What Readers Hate
by Kage no Hana
Summary: A very unhelpful guide where I will attempt to teach you the ways of Not-So-Bad Fanfiction writing. Warning: Contains large amounts of criticism. Will include a lot of shouting and bashing.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't and never will own Shugo Chara, and that applies to every chapter**

Now, before you attempt to entertain yourself/find an excuse to put off doing your homework, remember that I am extremely critical, picky, annoying, lazy, a procrastinator, a potential Mary-Sue, [insert some more annoying traits here], and etc. Don't be offended if I indirectly criticize you by pointlessly ranting here, if your fanfics have any of the traits I complain about, or if I indirectly criticize your fanfics. I, like the greater part of the population, have to go to school and deal with homework so I won't update a lot. Oh, and I like to give more than one point of view on certain things, so just know that _italics equals Mary-Sue point of view, _and **boldface equals stereotypical Aries point of view**. I'm going to try to be creative with the chapters and not bore you to death with [insert number of chapters] rants, so ideas help!

And remember- this is a how _not _to write fanfiction guide, so don't expect me to tell you how to do every little thing.

**Constructive flames are welcome!**

Now, onto the first official chapter...


	2. Summaries and Titles

"Just pick something to read already, dechu!"

"Yaya doesn't want to read any of these!"

"Why don't you read this one, dechu?"

"But it looks boring!"

The process repeated over and over again: Pepe complaining about how picky Yaya was, Yaya whining, Pepe trying to get Yaya to read something, Yaya whining, over and over again for fifteen minutes.

"Why do they look boring, dechu?" Pepe finally broke the cycle with a different question.

"Because the summaries are bad!"

"But what about that one, dechu?"

"Yaya thinks the title looks boring! The letters aren't capitalized either!

"Since when did you start caring about grammar, dechu?"

"Since Kairi taught Yaya that bad grammar is bad!*"

"What about these, dechu?"

"The first one just says the author sucks at summaries, and the second one says full summary inside. Yaya doesn't want to read a long summary!"

"Will you ever pick something to read, dechu?"

_Ding!_/failed attempt to imitate a timer

"Oh look! It's been twenty minutes! Now that Yaya finished Yaya's homework, Yaya can eat some candy!"

*I think this line is a bit awkward since Yaya's saying that incorrect grammar isn't good while using incorrect grammar. It's almost funny in an awkward way!

* * *

A lot of people these days write really bad summaries, and "attempt" to make it better by typing I suck at summaries or something. Don't write something like I suck at summaries. You'll just lose a lot (*coughallcough*) of your readers. Sometimes it helps to keep it short. If you have to type full summary inside or type a whole paragraph for your summary, then it's too long.

**Who wants to read a paragraph-long summary?**

It also helps to not sound like an illiterate 5 year old, but more on that later.

When you're coming up with a title, please CAPITALIZE THE "IMPORTANT" WORDS, LIKE This, but Not Like THIS,WHERE YOU'RE TOO LAZY TO USE THE SHIFT KEY AND TYPE IN ALL CAPS INSTEAD WHICH MAKES IT SEEM LIKE YOU'RE SHOUTING!

Now that we've finished the grammar part, let's move on to how to not make a decent fanfiction seem horrible because of a bad title...

Titles to Avoid:

1. A Shugo Chara Story/Tale/Twist/Legend/Myth/Barf **(Do you see where it says barf? It's there for a reason.)  
**

2. The Best Fanfiction Ever! **(This proves that you're conceited and that it's probably going to be bad.)  
**

3.[insert character] vs/and/likes/with/plus/words like these [insert character] **(Gasp! I could have never figured that out by looking at the names of the main characters which are right below this!)  
**

4.A(n) [insert pairing] story **(see reason above)**

5. The New Girl/Guardian **(everyone immediately assumes that the main character is a Mary-Sue and then they ignore the summary)**

* * *

Chapter Summary: If the title and summary sucks, nobody (except for illiterate five year olds, but there aren't that many nowadays) will want to read your story.


	3. Grammar

Well, here's the second chapter. Remember when I said something about illiteracy in the last chapter? This is what I mean.

_**

* * *

"if ur 1 of those ppl who r 2 lazy 2 red profils, im yuuko. lychee-chan is 2 lazy 2 type pov at the top of the pg so in case u skipd the prologe,boldface=me.i dont no y she let me make a chapter cuz she always sez im bad at gramer and that she can stil speek english beter then i can even tho its her 3rd languaje.*she also sez that even tho her other chara is a mary-su,she stil likz her mor then me cuz she spelz beter.i dont kno y speling is important cuz therez spelchek even tho i dont know how 2 use iz going 2 go do sumting !"**_

I sighed as I finished reading it. "After three hours, this is what you come up with!"

**"Yup!" **my chara/irritating brain thought. "It's the longest thing I've ever written!"

"And exactly how many things have you written?"

**"Two, not counting this one!"**

I mentally facepalmed myself. This is the last time I am EVER letting some random part of my brain that I don't trust type a chapter.**

*I actually forgot most of my 2nd one, and I can barely read and write in my first, but I'm still trying to learn more languages. Not a really good idea.  
**Whenever I say last time ever, I usually mean not in the next hour, so don't believe me.  
(I'm so tired...my brain hurts...who knew that it could be so hard to misspell some words that randomly pop into your head...)

* * *

Lately I've seen more and more people ignore the rules of grammar, so I've decided to type up this list of grammar rules. If you're groaning, be glad I didn't decide to use grammar teaching/torture kit on you. Actually now that I think about it, it's not too bad of an idea...

_Rules of Grammar_

1) Remember back when you where five and didn't know that you were supposed to put a space after a period when typing? Yeah, I don't remember either but still- you should be at least _13_ now, so please try to remember to PUT A !$% SPACE AFTER PUNCTUATION MARKS!SEE HOW WEIRD IT LOOKS WHEN YOU DON'T!**DO YOU! **(The remainder section has been censored due to the fact that some of the younger viewers might get nightmares because of the author's grammar nazi side in yandere mode, which has been known to give senior citizens heart attacks)

2) Sorry about going all grammar nazi on you a few moments ago. Well, the second rule is that you _need _to capitalize the first word in a sentence. I know this is kind of stupid, but some people still don't do that, so I had to put it on here.

3) Spelling. Spell check. Enough said.

4) One line for each time a different person talks. This is pretty self-explanatory, so I'll leave it at that.

5) You see the little comma floating up in the air? (') No, it's not a breath mark, woodwind and brass players, it's an apostrophe. (That thing you used to put in contractions and possessives back when you had a teacher breathing down your neck!) You can't just leave it out because you think people will immediately assume that there's an apostrophe because it's a contraction. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ITS AND IT'S!

6) "2 replace or not 2 replace, that is the question," -a quote from a person attempting to be funny while lecturing people on grammar. This isn't a chat room or a forum , so don't replace real words with txt talk which makes ppl think ur 2 lazy or 2 dumb 2 type the whole word. I, as a reader, grammar nazi, and Mary-Sue, really hate it when people do that.

If you see anyone break these rules, copy and paste the rules of grammar and send it to them in a review . Or hurl a grammar book at them. Whichever one's easier.

* * *

Chapter Summary: Hey look, you can read this! Now you try to use proper grammar and maybe you'll get more than three reviews! (Do it...or I'll threaten you with a brick...)

Ugh...so tired...R,R,C,&SAM! (Short for **R**eview, **R**ant,** C**omplain, & **S**tart an **A**ngry **M**ob!)


	4. Chat

I'm using my anger and rant energy to type these chapters, and I'm starting to run out, which means slower updates. (Not that a lot of people read this, but to the like, ten people that do, gomeinasai!)

Thank you NyammiToast for pointing out the grammatical error on my profile! I stabbed it with a brick and killed it! See? *holds up dead grammatical error*

Also, thank you SleeplessRiot, for being the first person to review!

* * *

**Bala-Balance145 at 8:04 AM:** Why am I here?

**Fujisaki_N64 at 8:04 AM:** I'm not sure, but I think it has something to do with one of the authors grammar rants.

**Lychee547 at 8:05 AM:** It's not a grammar rant this time, it's a rant about chat room format and short chapters!

**Bala-Balance145 at 8:05 AM:** And why should I care? You made me get up at 8 in the morning! :(

**Fujisaki_N64 at 8:06 AM:** Eight o'clock isn't that early, Rima-chan, some people get up at 5:15 AM!

**Bala-Balance145 at 8:06 AM:** You mean evil cross-dressing freaks like you and the author!

**Lychee547 at 8:06 AM: **I don't cross-dress!

**Bala-Balance145 at 8:07 AM: **You've worn boy clothes before, so therefore you are a cross-dresser.

**Lychee547 at 8:07 AM:** Can we please get back to my rant?

**Fujisaki_N64 at 8:07 AM: **And why did you want us to come up with weird user names? Everyone already knows who we are.

**Lychee547 at 8:07 AM: **This is a parody, so I'm trying to be cute!

**Bala-Balance145 at 8:08 AM: **What do parodies have to do with being cute?

**Bala-Balance145 at 8:12 AM: **Hello? Anyone here?

**Bala-Balance145 at 8:14 AM:** If you don't show up I'm logging off!

**Fujisaki_N64 at 8:14 AM: **You can't log off, she'll just stop you right before you do.

**Bala-Balance145 at 8:14 AM: **How do you know?

**Fujisaki_N64 at 8:14 AM: **I tried. Then I got a phone call from Lychee-chan. Then the phone went dead so I assumed that she broke it by yelling into it too loudly.

**Bala-Balance145 at 8:14 AM: **...  
What's taking her so long?

**Fujisaki_N64 at 8:15 AM: **I'm not sure. She's was probably typing a rant and started banging on her keyboard, causing it to break, and she's probably trying to fix the keyboard right now.

******Bala-Balance145 at 8:15 AM: **...

**Bala-Balance145 at 8:15 AM: **You know what, talking to you makes me feel sick. I think I'll Just wait for the super-slow author to finish up.

**Fujisaki_N64 at 8:15 AM: **Okay then :)

**Bala-Balance145 at 8:15 AM: **That stupid smiley makes me feel even sicker. Stop typing.

**Bala-Balance145 at 8:23 AM: **Don't call me either. How do you even know my phone number you stalker?

**Lychee547 at 8:25 AM: **You know how some people write their stories like this?

**Author: hi minna! hope ur looking forward to the next chapter! ;)**

**[favorite character]: Wait! you forgot to do something!**

**Author: what did I forget, even though I know exactly what I forgot but I'm going to pretend I don't for the sake of bad humor and disgusting cuteness?**

**[favorite character]: you know... the message!**

**Author: what message, even though we all know which one?**

**[favorite character]: it starts with a d...i think, even though i know exactly what its called but im not saying it just so i can stretch out this super-long and boring segment even more**

**Author: Doom, even though i know that its clearly not it?**

**[favorite character]: no...**

**Author: door, even though i know its wrong?**

**[favorite character]: no (even though i know that you know that i know that you know its wrong)...**

**Author: barf, even though i know it starts with the wrong letter?**

**[favorite character]: that doesnt even start with a d, which i know you already knew!**

**Author: I know/knew! is it the disclaimer, but theres really no point in asking since we already know?**

**[favorite character]: yes!thats it!**

**Author: but isn't that your job?**

**[favorite character]:it is? then the author does not own anything! enjoy, but you probably wont!**

Rima: OMG! I JUST REALIZED I LIKE NAGIHIKO! I'M GOING TO CONFESS TO HIM IN THE PARK WHERE I KNOW HE'LL MAGICALLY SHOW UP EVEN THOUGH WERE BOTH SUPPOSED TO BE IN SCHOOL RIGHT NOW!ITS ALMOST LIKE THIS WAS ARRANGED BY A REALLY DUMB FANFIC AUTHOR WHO THINKS ITS PERFECTLY NORMAL FOR TWO KIDS WHO SKIP SCHOOL TO END UP IN THE SAME PLACE AT THE SAME TIME!

Nagihko: im going to skip school today and go to the park instead even though im a straight a student because i think rima is going to skip school and tell me something really important in the park which should be highly unnatural but since half of the laws of physics and the world were bent in the making of this badfic, im going to do it anyways!

**Author: dun,Dun,DUN!**

**[favorite character]: how could you be so cruel and leave us-the poor readers with a CLIFFIE!**

**Author: I guess you'll find out what happens even though you probably already know in the next chapter!**

**[favorite character]: i hope you update soon, because the readers are probably DYING to find out what happens even though theyre probably not, but im going tto say that anyways to sound dramatic!**

**Author: Oh, and i wont update until i get a hundred reviews, but i know i probably wont get that many!**

**[favorite character]: bye-bee! :)**

**Bala-Balance145 at 8:28 AM: **Take out the Lucky Star reference. NOW. They are a disgrace to comedy.

**Lychee547 at 8:28 AM: **But I like Lucky Star!

**Bala-Balance145 at 8:28 AM: **Fine. But take out the part where it infers that _**I **_have a crush on _**HIM**_!

**Fujisaki_N****64 at 8:29 AM: **But isn't it true, Rima-chan? ;)

**Bala-Balance145 at 8:29 AM: **...shameless flirt ("It's Rhythm's fault!" doesn't make a good excuse)

**Lychee547 at 8:29 AM: **Could we please get back to the chatroom format bashing? Plus, I'm also too lazy to change the category from Humor/Parody to Romance/Parody

**Bala-Balance145 at 8:29 AM: **Where's the humor in that! You destroyed the original gag! I SHALL NOT FORGIVE YOU!

**Fujisaki_N****64 at 8:30 AM:** ^_^; Hey, Lychee-san, what's the point in having us use chat room format when you could have just typed that and then ranted for a few minutes?

**Lychee547 at 8:31 AM: **...  
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME BEFORE I TYPED ALL OF THAT! IF MY PHONE WASN'T BROKEN I WOULD BE YELLING AT YOU RIGHT NOW!

**Bala-Balance145 at 8:31 AM: **You could let us drop the stupid usernames and the time and go ahead and do the rant segment here.

**Lychee: **Great idea! I never thought of that!

**Rima: **Aren't Mary-Sues supposed to be smart**?**

**Lychee:** I _am _smart! I just have no common sense! Moving on, go to any other guide and they'll probably have some chapter about how EXTREMELY ANNOYING SHORT CHAPTER ARE! *breaks shift key and 1 key*1111 :( (the other shift key and the other one still work ! ^_^)

**Nagihiko: **Weren't you going to say something about talk shows?

**Lychee:** Oh yeah! I remember now! IF YOU WANT TO USE CHAT FORMAT AND MAKE THE CHARACTERS EXTREMELY OOC WHILE ATTEMPTING TO BE FUNNY,** GO DO A TALKSHOW! (**No offense to people who are writing talk shows. Some can be good.**)**

**Rima:** Around 10% of the things you have curently said (yelled) were in all caps.

**Nagihiko:** Not exactly 10%, maybe more like 6.7% or something?

**Rima:** Aren't you breaking your "no chat format" rule?

**Lychee:** How many times do I have to tell you- this is a _parody._ I'm making fun of chat format! Besides, this is a chat room! The only exception!

**Rima: **But it's still stupid. Clicking the boldface button and typing a colon (:) and pressing the boldface button then clicking the spot where you left off takes about as long as typing some quotation marks ("") and said or whatever.

**Lychee: **I know it's stupid! That's why I made this chapter in the first place!

**Rima:** This seems like a good time to move onto the next subject. The faster we get done, the sooner I get to log off! :)

**Lychee:** *sigh* Well, anyways, short chapters prove that you're just plain lazy or you don't have enough motivation to type more than a paragraph. Bye Rima-chan!

**Lychee: WAIT! **FUJISAKI-YOU'VE BARELY SAID ANYTHING! There. I deleted the X on your window as well as the off switch. :D

**Rima: **Enjoy the last 5 minutes of your life with the evil author, Fujisaki! ^_^ I'm leaving!

_**Rima has logged out**_

**Lychee: **Hmm... what's your opinion on smiley thingies? ^_^ (say the wrong thing and I'll have a whole entire chapter dedicated to torturing you and maybe something else...:D)

**Nagihko: **They're unnecessary and stupid except when in a chat room (?)

**Lychee:** Correct! Seriously, how are you supposed to say ^_^? Symbol, underscore ,symbol?

**Nagihiko: **So...can I leave now?

**Lychee: **No. Short chapters and then you can go. How long do you think a chapter has to be to be considered short?

**Nagihiko: **Not long enough to scroll down unless it's a one-shot (?)

**Lychee:** Correct (desu!) You can leave now...*sniff* DON'T LEAVE ME HERE TO THINK OF A CHAPTER SUMMARY ALL BY MYSELF! I'M TOO LAZY! *clingy glomping fangirl mode*

**Nagihiko: **Right...I think I'll leave now...

_**Nagihiko has logged out**_

_**Rima has logged in**_

**Rima: **Why didn't you kill him? :(

**Lychee: **He's too nice! Unlike you.

**Rima: **...

_**Rima has logged out**_

**Lychee: **It feels so empty without someone to yell at... I guess I'll leave.

_**Lychee has logged out**_

* * *

Chapter Summary: This isn't some poorly made RP forum. Pack up your chat format "stories," short paragraphs, and those annoying smileys and leave. Or go to a chat room. Or write a story that takes place in a chat room. The point is, we don't want that kind of stuff here.


	5. Ikuto

You know how sometimes when a person is being stared at by a lot of people they just suddenly start sweating for no apparent reason? That was exactly what was happening to me. If you're laughing at me while making the cuckoo sign, try _**not **_being nervous while a twelve year old the size of a 3rd grader stares at you in chibi mode when you're trying to think of a lesson in less than one minute( even though middle school students shouldn't have to teach a class) because your conscience was nagging you to update your fanfic for the past day! Now that you understand my situation here, let's move on with the story.

"Umm, today's lesson will be on...today's lesson will be on...it will be on...IKUTO!" Because of how lazy I am, I'll skip the part where I describe everyone's reactions.

Rima raised her hand and, of course, insulted me. "Randomly shouting somebody's name after doing eenie-meenie-minie-moe doesn't make a good substitute for those prompt dice you find at teacher stores," Rima said while chaos ensued in the background. It might be pretty funny to the people not being insulted. Of course, I got mad and started shouting like some crazy psycho.

"EVERYBODY BE QUIET AND WRITE A REPORT ON IKUTO RIGHT NOW!" Did I mention I love being evil? It's one of the best things about being a teacher. ''Oh, and it's also due in ten minutes! Have fun!"

"Are you just trying to keep us occupied while you think of a decent lesson?"

"BE QUIET AND WRITE YOUR REPORT!"

[Ten minutes later...]

"Anyone want to read theirs out loud?"

"ME!" Yaya said/yelled, and she started reading super fast even though I clearly DIDN'T WANT HER TO. "Ikuto-Tsukiyomi-was-born-on-December-first-and-is-currently-seventeen-years-old-He-weighs-sixty-four-kilograms-or-one-hundred-forty-pounds-if-you-use-the-US-customary-system-of-measurement-and-is-five-foot-eleven-or-one-hundred-eighty-centimeters-tall-His-blood-type-is-AB-and-hes-a-Sagittarius-which-is-totally-compatible-with-Libra-which-is-Amu's-sign-and-he-goes-to-Seiyo-High-even-though-he-lives-at-Some-Random-Place-Street-in-Some-City-which-is-really-far-away-from-the-school-but-hes-away-looking-for-his-dad-right-now!"

"That was a really, um, detailed report, but I need to ask you HOW IN THIS MESSED-UP NUT-JOB INFESTED WORLD DID YOU THINK OF ALL THAT IN TEN MINUTES _AND _WRITE IT DOWN! YOU'VE ONLY MET HIM LIKE, wait, YOU HAVEN'T MET HIM EVEN ONCE!"

"I dunno! I just knew all that because I apparently met him in all of these fics!" She unrolled a _ looooong _piece of paper that appeared out of nowhere.

After reading the list for a few seconds, I decided to get a _calm _person who has some _common sense_ to read their report. Who also has a sense of humor, of course. In other words, Rima.

"Mashiro-san, please read your report out loud to the class," I read off the script.  
_(Teachers usually call their students by their last names, but since Lychee-chan isn't a real actual teacher, she uses their first names when she's thinking, but uses the last names when she's speaking.)_

"Do I have to?"

"YES!"

"Ikuto has blue hair.  
Ikuto doesn't run around screaming like a little girl.  
Ikuto works for Easter.  
Ikuto doesn't show his emotions.  
Ikuto doesn't whine to his therapist about every little problem, unlike Hotori-kun and Crossdresser.  
Ikuto has a sense of humor, unlike Hotori-kun and Crossdresser.  
Ikuto looks like a guy, unlike Hotori-kun and Crossdresser.  
Ikuto doesn't prance around like a gay retard, unlike Hotori-kun and Crossdresser.  
Ikuto isn't boring, unlike Hotori-kun and Crossdresser.  
Ikuto isn't-"

"WE GET THE IDEA! In other words, YOU JUST DON'T LIKE FUJISAKI AND HOTORI!"

"Exactly. I hate both of them."

"Rima-chan, one of the humor-less boring gay retards is very offended," Nagihiko said. If I wasn't busy being annoyed while attempting to make the little red anger symbol pop up, I would have laughed.

"It was supposed to be offensive," Rima said while glaring at him.

"Don't people ever tell you to be nice to others, Rima-chan?"

"Yes, but I don't feel like being nice to you."

"Have you ever heard the saying listen to your elders?"

"You're in the same grade I'm in."

"Really? I thought you were a third grader!"

"..." Right now, Rima was glaring at Nagihiko, like always, Nagihiko was grinning like an idiot, Yaya was eating candy which she somehow managed to sneak in, Tadase was sulking and complaining to his invisible therapist or something, Amu was _still _blushing, Kairi was paying attention, like always, and the rest just looked bored. Time for me to say something dumb and embarrass myself!

"I know! Let's get Tsukiyomi-san to read his report out loud!" I mentally facepalmed myself for saying the dumbest thing possible.

"Sure, let's get this over with:  
Yo. My name is Ikuto Tsukiyomi. The End."

"THAT'S ALL YOU WROTE!"

"Yeah."

"THAT'S IT! I QUIT THIS STUPID JOB! I'M GOING TO LOSE MY SANITY AT THIS RATE!"

"You were sane before? A person as dumb as Crossdresser could have figured out you had mental problems."

"I'M LEAVING** RIGHT NOW!**" I left and slammed the classroom door for good measure.

This is going to be the last time I EVER write a chapter with all of the characters in it.

* * *

Anyways, this chapter is about Ikuto's personality and his friends, WHICH DO NOT INCLUDE ANY OF THE GUARDIANS OTHER THAN AMU AND TADASE/TADAGAY! In most of the fics I've read which include Ikuto, ALL OF THE GUARDIANS KNOW HIM! YOU CAN'T BECOME FRIENDS WITH SOMEBODY IF ALL YOU DO IS ASSAULT THEM WITH BOWLING PINS OR DUCKS OR ATTEMPT TO SLICE THEM TO BITS WITH SOME SHARP OBJECT OF SOME SORT!  
Mental Checklist:  
Angry Shouting: Check  
Tadagay Bashing: Check  
Failed Attempt at Comedy: Check  
Rant on Ikuto's Friends: Check  
Which means I'm almost done with the chapter! Here's a list on the most common versions of OOC Ikuto...

Versions of OOC Ikuto

1. Spaz Ikuto- Where Ikuto will raise his voice and start shouting in disbelief while waving his arms like a maniac.

2. Neko Ikuto- Where Ikuto starts worshipping catnip and centers his life around yarn, fish, and hunting mice.

Ikuto- WARNING: VERY SCARY. DO NOT READ IF YOU GET SCARED EASILY. Where Ikuto *gulp* does nice things for people and *strained voice* smiles- normally- for- no- apparent- reason. *seizure*

4. Playboy Ikuto- Where Ikuto flirts with every girl he sees.

5. Official Fanfiction Ikuto- Everyone seems to have forgotten that episode where Utau told Amu that Ikuto only acts like a perverted jerk around Amu. Pretty much every fanfic Ikuto acts like that all the time even though Utau said something which nobody listened to. Listen to tsunderes and yanderes people! They can get mad and glare you to death or murder you with bricks! So listen to Utau!

6. Ikuto Tadase Hybrid- Where Ikuto prances around like a gay retard or complains to his invisible therapist about every little problem he has and cries every other minute because of some stupid thing. (Exaggerated)

Those are just some of the main ones. I've seen some others which- *shudders* should be locked away to be forgotten...so scary...

It's fine if Ikuto is a little OOC and has a bit of these traits, but a lot of authors go overboard.

A Note from Lychee-chan:  
Next up is chara abuse, and you might want to skim through your fanfics to make sure the charas didn't _magically _disappear for no apparent reason. I'm also going to have a contest at chapter 10, maybe(?), so study your grammar rules! Oh, and if you're thinking something like this chapter sucks, I don't blame you. I've had writer's block, stage fright, writer's cramp, artist's block, amnesia, two tons of stress, and the Barney song was also stuck in my head, which is probably why I had all of those problems in the first place. (Plus, the other day, I was watching China's Got Talent, and this little 7-year-old girl who had a father complex or something got a FREAKING 57/70 SOMETHING VOTES! AND HER SINGING **SUCKED!** AND ALL SHE DID WAS JUMP A FEW TIMES AND KICK HER LEGS UP IN THE AIR! THEN THESE TWO PEOPLE WHO DID THIS SUPER-AWESOME DANCE ROUTINE AND THEY WERE ALSO HANGING FROM A PIECE OF **CLOTH **ONLY GOT LIKE 34! HOW MESSED-UP IS THAT!) Ok, that was a really bad excuse, but just know that is was very hard for me to stop being a lazy procrastinator and type up this chapter. Also, thank you to all of the people who have reviewed, alerted, or added this story to their favorites! It means so much to me...*sniff* ARRRRIIIIIGAAAATOOO! *sniff* I'm so happy *cry* YOU ALL GET A THOUSAND FREE RUN-AWAY-FROM-BRICK-PASSES! *sniff*

* * *

Chapter Summary: Amuto fangirls have changed Ikuto to...to that THING who knows all of the guardians and acts like a pervert 24/7.


	6. Charas

Sorry-for-not-updating-I-just-got-rid-of-my-writer's-block! So-I-fixed-up-Chat-a-bit-and-I-finally-managed-to-make-Yaya's-report-show-up-in-the-last-chapter-but-then, then...SOMEONE INSULTED MY DRAWING STYLE AND THEN MY MOM MADE ME PRACTICE THE PIANO! SO I WENT EMO FOR 2 DAYS AND THEN MY CONSCIENCE/ INNER MARY-SUE MADE ME LISTEN TO PINK SPIDER ("Ikou, ikou, yo saa PINKU SUPAIDAA! Makkura heya nante tobidashi!") AND HEARTFUL SONG UNTIL I TEMPORARILY TURNED INTO AN OPTIMIST! I can still hear Rin singing in my head...("miwatasu akagiri ga, kimi no sekai!") and I now know much more Japanese than I should, because of course, CONSCIENCE just HAD to make me look at the romanji lyrics, and teach me how to call myself a weirdo in Japanese ( boku/watashi wa hentoko). Replace the boku/watashi wa with anata wa or kimi no or whatever is supposed to be there and you now have an insult! And my school keeps on giving me homework assignments that involve drawing which are always due in one day! Yeah, I'm just stalling. Well anyways, since I'm too lazy to click the reply to a review button, and because I need to reply to an anonymous review, some replies to random reviews that weren't even questions:

**Sigy Artyn- **I agree, if English isn't your native language, it's acceptable if you use incorrect grammar every once in a while. But (See? I just did it! I started a sentence with a conjunction!) a lot of the time, people who have English as a second language are better at grammar than others. Or something could turn out wrong and cause you to become a grammar nazi like me and a bunch of other people.

**Be-Bee- **YES! THANK YOU! SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS IKUTO'S PERSONALITY! *glomp*

Now onto the chapter...[MWAHAHAHAHAH!]

* * *

"Attention, commoners, I, the great KING Kiseki, have an announcement to make!" some random retard* shouted. ( I'm pretty sure he was from some girly anime Lychee watched) Nobody paid any attention to him.

"YOU! NEW COMMONER! WHAT IS YOUR NAME!" he yelled like he was some insane psycho bent on world domination. Yeah, that sounds good. I'll call him that from now on.

"Yuuko."

"GO ROUND UP THE OTHERS, NEW COMMONER WHOSE NAME I DON'T REMEMBER, AND TELL THEM I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE! HA! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!"

I don't really get the point of him asking my name, since he didn't bother to remember it, and I really didn't feel like helping Insane-Psycho-Bent-On-World-Domination, but since I didn't have anything else to do, I walked up to the hyper one with the pink hair (who was the only one in sight) and said, "Insane-Psycho-Bent-On-World-Domination said he had an announcement."

"Kiseki has an announcement! YAY! YAY!" she cheered. It was kinda scary. (But not as scary as the time my sister tried to repaint one of those tiny lines on a ruler because it was crooked and couldn't get it right so she started laughing like a maniac in a really high pitched voice for an hour.) Then, a bunch of people appeared from behind flowerpots and other dumb hiding places and started flying towards Insane-Psycho-Bent-On-World-Domination.

"Kusu-kusu**!" (or *giggle* The person who giggled was this girl in a clown costume.)

"Cool!"

"KYA! Rhythm-kun is so cool!" (I'm pretty sure she's an insane fangirl. I'll try to remember the girl with the short blue hair is crazy and stay away from her.)

"Another stupid meeting, nya?"

"He's so bossy, dechu!"

"I wonder if he actually found the embryo this time."

"We should go hear his announcement, desu!"

"Yes, it's probably important. I agree with Su."

I have no idea who these people are, and since I'm assuming you know the anime this is from, I'll just let you figure out who said what. When I landed on the table Insane-Psycho-Bent-On-World Domination (whose name I don't know so I'll just call him that for now) was using a laptop to get on some website called or some other **[CENSORED]** website thing.

_(Yuuko swears a lot more than Lychee-chan, so she decided to censor it because she was too lazy to change the rating.)_

"Commoners, I want to bring to your attention the sudden decrease in our popularity. We are slowly being forgotten, and at this rate, our wish of me gaining world domination shall become impossible! IMPOSSIBLE, I SAY!" he screeched

"Am I the only one who thinks he's a retard?" I shout-whispered.

"No." I heard several people whisper back. Which caused Insane-Psycho-Bent-On-World-Domination to yell at me like Lychee does when I say something while she's drawing.

"YOU! NEW COMMONER! PAY ATTENTION!"

"Chill, Kiseki, she was just trying to make a joke!"

"DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME, COMMONER WITH HEADPHONES! FOR _**I **_AM THE **GREAT **_**KING KISEKI!**_ " he ordered. Then, he started laughing like an insane psycho while fire appeared in the background. (Lychee, if you are reading this, no, I didn't light anything on fire. The background just burst into flames.) Then somebody flew in and of course, interrupted Insane-Psycho-Bent-On-World-Domination.

" My Love Detector picked up a signal from here exactly 47 seconds ago!*** Did i miss it?" asked the person dressed as angel who suddenly flew in here while Insane-Psycho-Bent-On-World-Domination (whose name was apparently, Kiseki, but I'll still call him that since it sounds better) was laughing retardedly. She was holding a weird stick that had a heart with a pair of wings on top which she was pointing at random people with. Then Insane-Psycho-Bent-On-World-Domination stopped laughing and started yelling at her.

"YOU! COMMONER!" Insane-Psycho-Bent-On-World-Domination pointed at the spazzy angel who just came in, "DO NOT DISTURB MY SPEECH!" he yelled. Pretty loudly, too. Too bad she wasn't listening.

"I am on a mission, no, a HEROIC QUEST to find true love!" Spazzy-Angel shouted. (Apparently, most of the people here are insane.)

"THEN LET US CREATE AN ALLIANCE! IF YOU HELP ME FIND THE EMBRYO, I SHALL ALLOW YOU TO SEARCH MY KINGDOM FOR WHATEVER YOU'RE LOOKING FOR!" Insane-Psycho-Bent-On-World-Domination yelled. (Yawn. I'm bored.)

"Deal!" Spazzy-Angel said.

"Now, to resume my speech- at places like these, where people write stories about my servants, they do not mention us at all. Whenever we are mentioned, we are either character-transforming, disappearing, or those commoners have one sentence about us and then it's all about them. I AM THEIR KING! STORIES SHOULD BE WRITTEN IN MY HONOR!" Insane-Psycho-Bent-On-World-Domination screamed. I'm beginning to think that's his normal talking voice. But he does have a good point. (If Lychee said anything about me, it was probably insultive, right? But then again, she really doesn't have anything nice to say about anybody because she's total **[CENSORED] **But I respect her for that.) Anyways, everyone around me started talking after that.

"He's right, dechu! Nobody pays any attention to me, dechu!"

"Rima-tan would be sad without me!"

"Nagi really needs to relax! He thinks too much. Right, Kusu-kusu?"

"We should let Kiseki finish his speech, desu!"

"Right. As I was saying, I am the most important character, and there should be more stories about me! If it wasn't for me, my servants would be all scattered and disorganized! They would all be DEAD! I, THE GREAT **KING **KISEKI, AM THE ONE WHO SAVES THEM FROM THE X EGGS EVERY TIME! AH, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!" he screamed. Again, he burst into flames and this time everybody started roasting marshmallows. Seriously, WT**[CENSORED]**! MARSHMALLOWS, PEOPLE! While some **[CENSORED]** with an over-inflated ego laughs in the background! These people have serious problems.

"So are you done yet?" I asked after calming down [which Lychee says isn't actually possible].

"NO! And instead of using a great character like me, those peasants create some character of their own and replace us with them! That is outrageous! THAT IS UNFORGIVABLE! Nobody can be as good of a king as I am, and commoners like you live to serve the king! WE SHALL NOT BE FORGOTTEN!" Insane-Psycho-Bent-On-World-Domination screeched. I'm not sure if that's what he said, because I started playing Sticks with this person whose name started with a D (Dai-something. I don't remember). But I do remember that Insane-Psycho-Bent-On-World-Domination laughed like a tyrant (I don't know what this means. My sister called Lychee that before when she was laughing evilly but I don't think Lychee heard, but I'm still pretty sure I used it in the right way.) after he said that! Anyways, Spazzy-Angel was still pointing her stick at random people and then something (I wasn't paying attention, so I don't know what) happened and the stick hit Insane-Psycho-Bent-On-World-Domination on the head while he was laughing , which knocked him out.

I jumped up in the middle of our fifth game of sticks and yelled, "YES! THE **[CENSORED] **FINALLY SHUT UP!"

"So I guess the meeting's over now, dechu!" a girl who was dressed as a baby said, even though there was no point since everyone had already left.

"Come on, Daichi! Let's go play basketball!" the guy with headphones said. (I was right! His name really is Dai-something!)

"YAY! YAY! Bas-ket-ball! YAY! YAY!" Hyper-Girl-With-Pink-Hair shouted.

"Yay, something not pointless! Can I play?" I asked

"Sure!" Hyper-Girl-With-Pink-Hair said. "After all, we have to do something to keep ourselves occupied for the next five chapters, which we aren't going to be in!"

Apparently, Insane-Psycho-Bent-On-World-Domination's speech _had _affected some people.

* * *

*This is not from my POV, so there will be some incorrect grammar purposely added in. Also, unlike the majority of Amuto supporters, I actually like Kiseki. If Yuuko-chan insults any charas here, it's for the sake of humor.

**Kusu-kusu is the Japanese onomatopoeia (sound effect) for giggling

***In case you didn't understand, I was referring to how big the romance categories on Fanfiction were.

(I CAN'T BELIEVE I TYPED SO MUCH! AND THIS WAS FROM ONE OF MY LEAST FAVORITE POVS! AND WRITING THE KISEKI DIALOGUE WAS SO HARD! I JUST FINISHED TYPING THE WHOLE ENTIRE THING AND THERE ARE SIX PAGES TOTAL! I DECIDED TO PUT IT UP HERE BECAUSE OF HOW EXCITED I AM!)

* * *

Basically, what I'm saying is that charas should _exist _in your stories unless its AU or if you have a valid reason, like if their dream came true, they stopped believing in that dream, if they turn 16/17/18/whenever they can be considered adults, if you decided to give your story a plot and it involves magically disappearing charas, or if the characters send them off to chara daycare. Oh, and did I mention that charas_ talk?_ Gasp! Nobody could have figured that out! And they talk _a lot._ Take Kiseki AKA Insane-Psycho-Bent-On-World-Domination for example! See how much he talks? In most of the fanfics I see [that actually include the charas in them,] he gets about two lines in the _whole entire thing._ I don't blame you though. Writing Kiseki dialogue is pretty hard. The trick is to insert tyrannical laughter at random points and overuse the words king, commoner, and I. (See? I _can_ be helpful at times!)

The charas always happen to be there when there's an X-egg or something, and then magically disappear after the battle is over. In the rare cases where they don't, they are always OOC. Kiseki being nice, Ran staying calm, Su shouting, and etc. Another thing- why do people replace some perfectly good characters (OK fine, some have serious mental problems, but let's just ignore that fact right now) with *shudder* OCs? I'm not saying making up your own character is bad or anything, but I see a lot of stories that make a chara go back into their owner's heart/egg and then said owner gets a new chara/personality so the author can twist said character beyond recognition. It just really annoys me when I see the end result, because that's when I actually have to start reading the names, and I hate doing that because I'm lazy.

Oh, and before I end this chapter and you start celebrating because I finally shut up, remember that charas are _**not**_ smart and have a very simple view on life. Except for Dia, since she's a Half-Sue, which is like a Mary-Sue without the perfection factor. They can't solve complex math problems or come up with some fancy philosophical theory. they know a lot of emotion-related stuff (see Dia's speeches), charas, their owners (see last episode or second to last episode of Puchi Puchi), keeping themselves occupied, and some more stuff I can't think of. To put it in a philosophical way, "If you cannot figure out the identity of the chara after removing their name, then said chara is officially dubbed OOC." I shall now _attempt _to be helpful and give you a list of the charas that are most often OOC.

Charas That Are Most Often OOC

**1. Yoru-** I don't know why you fangirls always pair him up with Miki, because that episode when they showed Miki's male harem thingy, it was very likely made to match Amu's. I don't really like Miru, and if you really want to pair Yoru up with somebody, I suggest you pair him up with Su since its cannon. (Remember, that was a _suggestion._) If you watch some of the episodes again, you might notice some of the SuxYoru moments. But that's only if it is absolutely neccesary. He is a _stray cat, _and stray cats are not meant for writing fluff, they are meant to be in moments of _**action! **_*sparkles appear in the background*

**2. Kusu-kusu- **I know, Kuzumu or however you would mash their names together is cute, but do you seriously have to change Kusu-kusu's personality that much? It makes so sick that I can't even mention it.

**3. Pepe- **She wants _attention_. You can't get attention if all you do is fly around acting nonexistent. In case you're wondering who Pepe is, she's the chara that flies around with a bunny hat and a pacifier.

**4. Dia- **Calm, not spazzy. Very annoying to Mary-Sue haters **(Haha, ironic isn't it? I act like a Sue but I still hate them.) **and constantly gives speeches about _sparkles _and _inner brilliance _and whatever counselors teach elementary school kids these days. If you can't think of a decent line for Dia, just Google some famous sayings and tweak them a bit.

That's about it. The rant segment's over. Go home and stay locked up in a room with a computer and type or whatever you people do for fun these days.

* * *

HAH! IN YOUR FACE ,CONSCIENCE/NADESHIKO! AND KARMA, YOU STILL OWE ME $20! I DID THE WHOLE ENTIRE RANT SEGMENT WITHOUT SHOUTING A SINGLE WORD! (I bet you felt that something was wrong when you were reading, right?) KARMA, IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME A FULL SCORE ON MY NEXT FIVE TESTS, I'LL START ADDING INTEREST TO THE $20 THAT YOU OWE! Oh, and Nadeshiko/Conscience, IN YOUR FACE! I CAN BE CALM!  
_(This is a great example of irony, kids. Also, remember to look both ways before crossing the street!)

* * *

_

Chapter Summary: You see the pretty little floating people? Unless you have a decent excuse, they should be in your stories.


	7. Japanese

Now, before I start the story, I would like to tell you three things:

1) READ ANGELTALES'S RANT THINGY! (second to last page or the eighteenth review) I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAID! AND THANK YOU! NOW I HAVE IDEAS FOR THE NEXT FIVE CHAPTERS OR SO! READ IT OR I'LL HIT YOU WITH A BRICK! (Wait, I gave you run-away-from-brick passes before, right?)

2) I have nothing against people named Rachel or William. (Except for this kid who was in my third grade class...grudges are one of the few things I remember easily...) I chose the name Rachel because it sounded hyper. Then I flipped to a random page in my dictionary, which has a freakishly long list of names, and randomly pointed at one and ended up with William. It was either that, or Bob, since I suck at coming up with names. You'll see what I mean later.

3) My Japanese is actually much better than this, but this is what Google Translate (which sucks at translating, by the way. I was trying to figure out what direction each of these [东南西北] were, and Google said it meant truck, which is 卡车.) would give me if it was operated by otaku's or if I asked a person who watches a lot of anime but fails at grammar to translate.

* * *

"Where's Lychee-chan? She said she would meet us here at six o'clock!" Yaya said.

"Maybe it's because you read the note wrong, dechu. There might be a secret message, dechu!" Pepe suggested.

"Or it might just be because you dragged us out here at six in the morning instead of six in the afternoon like the note says," Rima pointed out.

"Oh, so that's what PM means!" Yaya said. This caused everyone to glare at Yaya, who had woken everybody up at five in the morning after receiving the note from the currently absent author, and everybody being Amu, Tadase, Nagihiko, Rima, Hikaru, Rikka, Ikuto, Utau, and Kukai. Then, the peace was shattered.

"Umm, Narrator-san, could you not be so dramatic?" Tadase asked. Ignoring Tadase, the characters were not at all prepared for what was going to happen next.

"KONNICHIWA MINNA-CHAN DESU~NYA1!11 WATASHI RECHARU DESU~NYA11!" a girl with obviously died pink hair screamed. Her voice sounded unnaturally like someone scratching a chalkboard with their fingernails, and her pronunciation was horribly off too.

"Oh great. Another otaku trying to speak Japanese," Rima said with obvious sarcasm as the girl ran towards them.

As the girl walked closer, she asked, "Isn't watashi Nippon shugoi desu~nya!"

"Can anyone understand what she's saying? It sounds like a question, and it would be rude not to answer," Nagihiko hissed.

"Maybe we should ask Narrator. She seems to know what's going on," Amu suggested. Suddenly, a neon pink notebook appeared in Amu's hand and flipped to the first page. Text magically appeared on the page.

_How to Understand Rachel-Speech_

_"KONNICHIWA MINNA-CHAN DESU~NYA1!11" translates to "Hello everyone."  
"WATASHI RECHARU DESU~NYA11!" translates to "I'm Rachel."  
"Isn't watashi Nippon shugoi desu~nya!" translates to "Isn't my Japanese amazing?"_

"No," Hikaru helpfully informed her after reading the page. The characters, having to star in many stories written in English, could speak both Japanese and English perfectly. Of course, "Recharu"* ignored him and began to "play" with the charas, also known as squeezing the life out of them.

" MINNA-CHAN ANATA KAWAII DESU~NYA!1!11!" she yelled while squeezing the charas. Another line of text appeared in the book.

_"MINNA-CHAN ANATA KAWAII DESU~NYA!1!11!" translates to "All of you are so cute!"_

"Thank you Narrator-san!" Tadase yelled to no one in particular.

That attracted Recharu's attention, and being the_** insane stalking fangirl**_ she was, she immediately dropped the oxygen-deprived charas to glomp the characters.

"Watashi heard anata say that desu~nya!11! :(" Recharu yelled, breaking the fourth wall.

Of course, Ikuto, having the most experience with insane stalker fangirls, immediately jumped into a tree and left the remaining characters to deal with Recharu.

"KYAAAAAAAA DESU~NYA!1!1!" she screeched while running towards the characters, who had started running as fast as they could to get away from Recharu. Rima, being the slowest, was soon glomped by Recharu.

"KYA DESU~NYA!1!1!111 ANATA KAWAII DESU~NYA!111! ANATA AND WATASHI KARAOKE NOW, DESU~NYA!1!1" she yelled.

* * *

Amu, who was a safe distance away from the monstrosity, finally noticed the new lines in the book.

_"Watashi heard anata say that desu~nya!11! :(" translates to "I heard you say that! I'm angry!"  
"KYAAAAAAAA DESU~NYA!1!1!" and similar phrases translate to "KYAA!"  
"ANATA KAWAII DESU~NYA!111!" translates to "You are so cute!"  
"ANATA AND WATASHI KARAOKE NOW, DESU~NYA!1!1" translates to "Let's karaoke now!"_

_Poor Rima, _she thought.

* * *

Rima was now being forced to sing numerous English songs with a very off-key Recharu, most of which she didn't know.

"LOUDER DESU~NYA!" Recharu screeched during the middle of a particularly annoying song that was playing on a karaoke machine which had appeared out of nowhere. Rima was spared that horrible fate when Kukai made the mistake of walking out in the open while trying to get away from Recharu, who stopped torturing the petite blond in order to glomp her favorite character.

"OMG KUKAI DESU~NYA!11! WATASHI HAVE AN ONII-TAN 2 DESU~NYA!11!1! ONII-TAN'S NAME IS WILLIAM, DEMO WATASHI DAISUKE CALL ONII-TAN [insert random combination of syllables]* BECAUSE ITS MORE NIPPON DESU~NYA!11!" Recharu squealed.

"Hey, Narrator, what's she saying?" Kukai asked.

Amu, who was apparently just as dumb, yelled "THE BOOKS SAYS SHE SAID 'I HAVE AN OLDER BROTHER TOO! HIS NAME IS WILLIAM, BUT I LIKE TO CALL HIM [insert same combination of syllables as before]BECAUSE IT SOUNDS MORE JAPANESE!' THANK YOU NARRATOR-SAN!" This of course, distracted Recharu long enough to let Kukai run away, but of course, Recharu had something to say to Amu as well.

"DOKI DOKI DESU~NYA1!1 ANATA HAVE PINK KAMI TOO DESU~NYA!11!" she screamed while rapidly shaking Amu. "ANATA NO OUTFIT IS SO KIREI AND KAWAII DESU~NYA!1!1!" she squealed. She would have said more if Tadase had not burst out into the open in his Platinum Royale Chara-Nari and used his Holy Crown attack on the inhuman being.

"HOLY CROWN!" Tadase yelled. Unfortunately, his attack did nothing and passed straight through Recharu.

"Kira-Kira desu~nya!1! ^_^" Recharu giggled while batting a few stray sparkles from the attack.

_"HOW DARE YOU! COMMONER, WHEN WE CONDESCEND TO THE LEVEL OF ATTACKING YOU, YOU SHALL PAY ATTENTION!" _Kiseki, who had miraculously recovered from Recharu's fangirl spasm, yelled from inside Tadase. Thankfully, his voice was partially muted because of the transformation.

"OMAE MEAN DESU~NYA!1!1" Recharu screamed. Then, as if on cue, she suddenly turned into one of those dramatic main characters and shouted, "WATASHI NO KOKORO! ANROKKU!" the area around her was surrounded by an energy so otaku-ized that the characters could not even bear to look at it.

"CHARA-NARI!1! ANNOYING OTAKU!1!" she yelled a few seconds later. Although nothing about her appearance had changed, her level of annoying suddenly seemed to rise. "FAILED NIPPON DESU~NYA!1!11" she suddenly screeched, hurling an attack in Tadase's direction. The attack caught him off-guard, but he still managed to counter it with Holy Crown. Suddenly, as if it was a badly written fanfiction, the characters, with the exception of Hikaru, who was banging away on his calculator thingy planning boring business junk, burst out into the open in their Chara-Nari's and used their attacks on Recharu.

"Nightmare Lorelei!"

"Juggling Party!"

"Go! Go! Duckies!"

"Warm Sunshine!*"

"Heart Rod!"

"Blaze Shoot!"

"Golden Victory Shoot!"

"Holy Crown!"

Like in all of those girly shojo magical girls, their attacks joined together and hit the enemy, Recharu, with full force. Or would of, if her special otaku Mary-Sue powers hadn't made it go right through her.

"Rainbow iru desu~nya!" she squealed while watching the attack hit a faraway house, which immediately caught on fire and exploded into fireworks. The characters were scared now. After all, who wouldn't be after seeing an attack that could almost kill someone pass right through a person?

"FANGIRL SPASM DESU~NYA!1" Recharu yelled when she stopped watching the fireworks. Almost instantly, the characters were violently knocked down by some invisible force.

"We'll have to find another way to knock her out. Our attacks won't work on her," Utau stated. She jabbed her trident, which went straight through Recharu, a few times to prove her point.

* * *

Hikaru, who was still dealing with stocks and sales, suddenly looked up from his calculator thingy and said one word. "Otaku," he said as if it had a magical meaning.

* * *

Recharu suddenly stared at her wrist as if looking at a watch. "GOMEINASAI, MINNA-CHAN! WATASHI HAVE TO GO EAT BREAKFAST NOW! SAYONARA!" she yelled while sprinting to who-knows-where, leaving the characters in shock about how sudden her departure was as they changed back to their regular forms. After a few minutes, Yaya spoke up.

"Yay! She's gone! Yaya didn't like the scary weirdo but now she's gone!" Yaya cheered .

"I wonder what she said though...Amu-sempai, what did you do with the book?" Rikka asked.

"Eh! The book! Where is it!" Amu frantically answered. "Sorry, I think I lost it...*" she answered after a few minutes of effort wasted on finding the book.

"Come on, Kusu-kusu, let's leave. I didn't even want to come in the first place." Rima said, walking away.

"WAIT, DECHU!" Pepe yelled. Once she had everyone's attention, she asked, "Doesn't the narrator sound like Lychee-chan, dechu?"

"She does! They both share the same lack of humor!" Kusu-kusu giggled as the characters walked away.

"And the voice! It sounded so much like a seven year old! Just like Lychee-chan!" Pepe giggled.

"Kusu-kusu, Pepe, are you coming or not? Everyone else already left," Ran asked.

"Oh, I guess they did! We'd better go catch up!" Kusu-kusu said. The three charas hurried to catch up with everyone else, leaving two questions behind. What happened to the book? Who is the narrator? The world may never know.

* * *

A pigeon pecked at the ground, hoping to find some bread crumbs anyone might have dropped. Just as it was about to fly off, it noticed a small neon pink book lying beneath a bush. The pigeon did not know that it would eventually influence a very important event and picked it up and dropped it in a tree.

_Darn. No bread crumbs fell out. _It thought as it flew away.

* * *

"YOU MEAN IT'S REALLY OVER NOW!"

"Yes."

"REALLY!"

"Yes."

"FINALLY! I CAN HURL BRICKS AT THE PERSON WHO MADE ME READ THIS THING NOW!"

"Remember to set the bricks on fire! It'll hurt more that way!"

* * *

_But I'll let you figure out the answers to those questions yourself! ^_^_

*I know this has nothing to do with the story, but when I was adding Recharu to the dictionary since the little red line thingy really annoys me, one of the spelling suggestions was retard. Quite fitting, don't you think?

*I'm really bad at coming up with names, as you might have guessed with "Recharu," which is really just the Japanese romaji spelling for Rachel. If anyone has a random combination of syllables that's not a real actual name that sounds somewhat boy-ish, please tell me since I'll probably bring up William and "Recharu" in another chapter when I don't feel angry enough to shout throughout the whole entire thing.

*Random attack I made up for Rikka. It sounds so retarded...

*I'm too lazy to translate all of that, so I'll just translate it the next time the book appears. If you can't figure out what something means, then ask me for the translation.

* * *

Well, this chapter is about how annoying it is when people

a) Stick random Japanese words in there for no reason so they can brag about how much Japanese they know even though they use them incorrectly.

b) Make the characters _magically _understand English and American culture because they're too lazy to research and attempt to make their stories reasonable.

c) Don't try to give their OCs a _real actual _Japanese name without giving a reason. Or

d) Make their OCs say a random string of Japanese words commonly seen in shojo manga and anime so they can be cute.

* * *

**Problem A:**

Okay, so yeah, sticking random Japanese words in your fanfics, does make you feel smart, but that doesn't mean we, the readers, like it. It messes up the flow of the story, and you really can't combine the two languages together while keeping it grammatically correct while mainly using English. It's fine if you stick a "hai!" or "baka" every once in a while, especially if it makes the sentence flow better. Example:

**Baka. You really can't do anything right, can you?**

**Stupid. You really can't do anything right, can you?**

I'm sure we can all agree that the first one sounds better. Also another thing that's been bothering me lately is how people keep on saying minna-chan or minna-san instead of just plain minna. Let's use some logic here, okay?

Minna=Everyone, everybody, everything,

Minna-[insert honorific]= a person named Minna.

If you use minna-chan or something, and logic is applied, your story will turn out like this:

**Annoying Mary-Sue: Ohayo, minna-san! **

**Character: Who's Minna! And it's morning! I thought it was eleven PM!**

See? I insulted Mary-Sues, explained the meaning and usage of two Japanese words, taught you about logic, and made fun of chat format in just two lines!

* * *

**Problem B:**

In almost every songfic I've seen so far, the song is in English. Let's make something clear, okay? THE CHARACTERS ARE _**JAPANESE**_, AND THE STORY TAKES PLACE IN _**JAPAN!**_ So to put it calmly...to put it calmly...you know what? I'll just shout instead. THE CHARACTERS DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH...THEY DO NOT LISTEN TO ENGLISH SONGS...THEY LISTEN TO JAPANESE SONGS. I can hear you guys thinking _"but I don't know any Japanese songs!" _Well, did you know that THE CHARACTER SONGS ARE IN JAPANESE! ANYBODY HEARD ABOUT VOCALOID! That's right! JAPANESE PEOPLE HAVE THEIR OWN MUSIC.

If you don't know any songs in Japanese, just stick with the character songs. If you're thinking, _"OH-AM-GEE THAT IS SO LIKE, YOU KNOW, UNCREATIVE!"_ then if it's so uncreative, then why hasn't anyone used them yet! PHILOSOPHY (my own, by the way, so it shouldn't make sense) STATES THAT CREATIVITY IS BEING UNIQUE OR DOING WHAT IS NOT NORMAL, AND UNCREATIVITY IS USING WHAT HAS ALREADY BEEN ESTABLISHED BECAUSE YOU CAN'T THINK OF A BETTER IDEA! (Did that sound like a philosophical quote? I made it up as I typed and it's very badly thought out.) So therefore, using the character songs is creative. If you really, really, _really _want to use an English song, give a valid reason, such as the song was dubbed. You get to use the song you wanted, and I get to spread logic to the world! Everyone's happy! See?

Now, let me quote a few thousand fanfics right now, ok?  
"YAY! WE'RE GOING TO AMERCIA/THE US/LAND OF HAMBURGERS/UNITED STATES!" -Yaya, or a very OOC Amu, and sometimes an OOC Rima. Let's skip the plane ride and everything and go to the part where they're in America.

**Character: Hey look! A sign in ENGLISH which I CAN'T read that says "mall!"**

**Another Character: I'll go ask a random stranger for directions even though I shouldn't be able to understand any English at all!**

The story can go two ways at this point.

**Random Stranger: The mall is North of here, and I'm telling you this because I MAGICALLY knew that you wanted directions to the mall, even though I didn't understand what you were asking, and I'm not pointing to where it is because I know that you'll MAGICALLY understand me.**

Or

**Annoying OC/Mary-Sue That MAGICALLY Happens to be the Random Stranger: HALLO! AND OMG DID I TELL YOU THAT I SPEAK JAPANESE AND ENGLISH! I'LL BE YOUR GUIDE HERE IN THE US AND YOU'LL **_**MAGICALLY**_** LIKE ME AND ALL OF THE GUYS ARE GOING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME EVEN THOUGH I'M SUPER-ANNOYING JUST BECAUSE I'M A SUE!1!11! OH,AND DID I MENTION THAT I HAVE FIVE CHARAS, WHICH IS ONE MORE THAN AMU!**

Yeah, and did I mention that I hate both of those? If the characters are going to be able to understand English, give a decent reason. Kill the Sue as well.

* * *

**Problem C:**

I'm Chinese, so back in elementary school boys would come up to me and speak some random phrase in gibberish such as "ejadlifbpqbbahtejulx" or something along the lines of that and ask me what it meant. I still see this problem in many fanfics today, where people don't bother to SEARCH ON GOOGLE FOR A LIST OF JAPANESE NAMES and give their OCs names like "Atika" or junk like that. Then there are people who go like "Hey, that's a nice name! I'll just make it more Japanese looking and name my OC that!"

Examples: Mary = Maari Emily = Emirii Elizabeth = Erizaabeto

See how messed up that looks! And it takes a lot for me to say that! I usually don't make fun of names people choose-

**-because you go by the name of a fruit, which is NOT NORMAL!**

-but I hate it when people think that _**RANDOM COMBINATIONS OF SYLLABLES AND ENGLISH NAMES WITH A DIFFERENT SPELLING **_make Japanese names.

The thing that's weird, is that OCs with normal Japanese names are usually side characters, and OCs with messed up attempted-Japanese names are usually the annoying Mary-Sue leads. Maybe it's telling people that to be a good writer, you have to do some RESEARCH.

* * *

**Problem D:**

**(Hey! That looks like your expression when your teachers give you a homework assignment that involves drawing, Lychee-chan!)**

Anyways, the typical female otaku-

**-she means it as an insult-**

-knows these words, and if they're intelligent, more: kawaii, nya/nyan, ohayo, doki, baka, desu-

**-actually, I don't think any of these idiotic 250s know what it actually means-**

**-**Yuuko-quit-interrupting-or-I-will-erase-you-from-my-memory, watashi, daisuki, arigato, and I think that's what the average fangirl knows. It's also what the typical idiotic illiterate 250-ish badfic writer adds to the ends of their annoying Sues' sentences! *exaggerated*

Example:

**Annoying Mary-Sue: Hello,** **kawaii-nya-ohayo-doki-baka-desu-watashi-daisuki-arigato-nya!**

**Nice Side Character: Hello!**

Notice the difference between the their lengths.

* * *

**A Not-So-Quick Note from the Author:**

Thank you for putting up with my sucky writing for seven chapters! I never expected so many reviews because of how bad of a writer I am! Nineteen might not be much to you, but I still fangirl every time I get a review or remember the amount of review I have. I also want to know if you think I'm too annoying and repetitive. Do I seem like I'm rushing throughout the chapters? TELL ME!

The chapters seem to get longer and longer...this one is nine pages and over 3,400 words long! That's one of the main reasons I update so slowly. The other reason is because I don't want my parents to find out that I have a fanfiction account. If they did, they'd probably make me write more on my homework assignments. Next chapter will probably be about Mary Sues. Or I might be lazy and give you a whole entire chapter about logic. Virtual cakes and cookies to everyone who reviews! (This reminds me- have you noticed that bipolar people/tsunderes/yanderes always have their hair up in a ponytail or pigtails if it's long enough? Even the real life ones!)

Also, I don't think anyone actually reads the guidelines, so I'm going to post the most important part here.

**Entries not Allowed:**

Non-stories: lists, bloopers, polls, previews, challenges, author notes, and etc.  
**(****So remember, we don't care about your grocery list, and we don't want to see a whole entire story about your life either. Also, even though this story has really long rants, it still has a story****.)**  
One or two liners.  
MST: comments inserted in between the flow of a copied story.  
Stories with non-historical and non-fictional characters: actors, musicians, and etc.  
Any form of interactive entry: choose your adventure, second person/you based, Q&As, and etc.  
Chat/script format and keyboard dialogue based entries.  
**(I wish I remembered this while I was typing "Chat" and that chapter about illiteracy. I could have been lazy and skipped those!)****

* * *

**Chapter Summary: Are you Japanese? Bilingual? Intelligent? A good author? Not a crazed otaku fangirl? Wanting to improve your writing? Have common sense? Not writing for praise only? If none of those apply to you, then don't use any Japanese in your stories. At all. None. Or even better, get off this website so we won't have to see your horrible "stories" ever again.


	8. Goodfics vs Badifcs

Those of you who were thinking, "YES! KAGE NO HANA STILL HASN'T UPDATED! THAT MEANS SHE AND HER TERRIBLE FICS MUST BE DEAD! HOORAY!" I am sorry to crush your dreams, but I still am very much alive. I kept on getting writer's block while typing the chapter on Mary Sues, so I decided to write that one later. Today, in honor of Veteran's Day, which is celebrated in the U.S, the international capital of badfic production, (Don't be offended if you live here in the U.S. All of them do come from here!) I will write this very late Veteran's Day fic. I feel a bit more confident today, so I'll do this one in Rima's POV. I'll also be getting rid of my self-insert in this chapter because I've gotten used to not writing in second person.

Also, thank you Laserbrain! It took me a while to find the error but I smashed it to smithereens with my virtual brick! (Also, I believe it is 'grammatical error' instead of 'grammar error.' ^_^;)

* * *

"Attention all characters! The meeting shall now commence!" Kage no Hana, also known as Lychee, shouted. If my day hadn't already been ruined by Crossdresser's existence, then my day would have been ruined.

"Yaya-chi doesn't want to be at this meeting!" Yaya whined.

"Too bad! Deal with it!" Lychee replied. (Calling her by her name feels so awkward, it's like calling Crossdresser *mental gag* Nagihiko! I think I'll just call her 'the Author' now. Yeah, that sounds better.) "Anyways, I have called this pointless meeting to announce that I have joined the International Anti-Badfic Association! Which doesn't exist! Yay!" 'the Author' announced.

"And why should we care?" I asked.

"Because I would like to honor the many veterans of the Goodfic vs Badfic War who

spent their time and lack of energy fighting against the badfic authors! Plus I want you guys to support this movement!" she answered. I'm not sure what everyone thought, but I'm pretty sure over 75% of us sweatdropped.

"Um, what war? I haven't heard of any," Amu, who was as dense as ever, asked.

"The Goodfic vs Badfic War: An unnamed virtual war located on the website known as Fanfiction, in the Shugo Chara fandom, where many 'Goodfic authors' constructively criticize 'Badfic authors' to bring life to the fandom once again by eliminating some of the increasing 'Badfics' of the fandom," Hikaru recited. I swear, this kid either

a) Reads the dictionary everyday

b) Memorized every Wikipedia page in existence

c) Gets on Wikipedia on his fancy computer thingy at every available moment, or

d) Spends his spare time thinking of fancy definitions and descriptions for every noun that exists.

I would be happier if he wasn't the new King's chair, but then again- an evil little walking Wikipedia page _is_ better than some insane psycho bent on world domination.

"In other words, a group of idiots argues with another group of idiots on a website that people with no life get on to write about us," I explained. "The first group of idiots, who are probably more idiotic, is lead by the many idiotic 'Goodfic authors' who act like Yaya and try to pair me up with Crossdresser," I continued.

" Yaya-chi is doing a good thing!" Yaya protested, although everyone just ignored her.

"Hey! I'm one of them! And I heard that!" the author interrupted. As usual, everyone ignored her.

"Rima-chan, could you at least think of a nicer name for me?" the thing-that-ruined-my-life-by-existing asked.

"Fine, I'll call you Purplehead. Happy?" I asked.

"No," he replied.

"Too bad." I retorted.

"I'm bored of watching you two argue and constructively criticizing people. So I'll just try to get you guys to support this movement!" the author said.

"Yeah, and I'll try to leave so I can send you to an asylum to be locked up and never released," I muttered under my breath.

"Anyways, let's start with...RIMA-CHAN!" the author yelled. Does she kind of remind you of Yaya right now?

''Wait, what?" I blankly asked.

"Do you want to be forever paired with Nagihiko in badfics or not?" she asked.

"NO!"

"Then join me! WE SHALL DESTROY ALL RIMAHIKO FICS WHERE YOU CAN BARELY EVEN SEE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THAT AND AMUTO! MWAHAHAHA!" she yelled. (Is it just me, or do all authors seem like they're on drugs or something?) "CROSS THIS LINE IF YOU CHOOSE TO JOIN ME! MWAHAHAHAHA!" she screeched as she drew a line on the ground with some chalk that had appeared out of nowhere.

"Sure…although it would be better if he disappears altogether," I grumbled as I crossed the line.

"Alright! Up next is…Nagihiko! Be honest- do you like being paired up with Rima?" she yelled. Crapcrapcrapcrap-_**crap**_!

_Ping._

Uh-oh. "Ping" is not a good sound. "Ow" is, especially if it comes from Crossdresser, but "ping" is never a good sound.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHA! BOW DOWN TO YOUR KING, COMMONERS! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Hotori yelled. Thank you, Hotori-kun. I will never fall asleep while you are talking ever again. (I hope. I wonder why he chara-changed though?)

Crossdresser was smart, for once, and crossed 'the line' while the author wasn't looking. I made a mental note to kill the author later on.

"That was odd…and wait- when did Nagihiko get here? Oh well! Yaya! Cross the line if you want candy!" the second most annoying person I've ever met shouted. Yaya, who was just as gullible as Amu, _skipped _over 'the line' while humming something that sounded suspiciously like "Chocolate-tan!" I still wonder why we're friends.

After Yaya _skipped _over _the line,_ the author said, "Umm…I really don't have anything else to say! Cross the line if you want to destroy me AKA my self-insert!" Then, everyone crossed the line. (Not that much of a surprise, since everyone probably hates her.)

"OK! Bye! I'm leaving now! Forever!" she announced. Then, she disappeared in a flash of some really badly planned special effects. An awkward silence ensued.

"Yay! She's gone and the whole entire world lives happily ever after!" Yaya announced for no apparent rea-

-Wait, why is the screen shrinking! And why are we all frozen in place! Sto-

**End of episode 8

* * *

**

You were probably wondering why I wasn't around for so long. If you really want to know, I was criticizing people. Think for a moment- how many decent fics have you seen today? -not a lot, right? Have you noticed the increasing amount of OOCness in fics? The improper grammar? What about Mary Sues and self-inserts? There are people out there trying to stop these things. But sadly, the amount of people who write those…those _inhumanities_ greatly outnumber those who try to stop it. So, I am asking you to review and offer tips for improvement to those people in order to obtain a fandom filled with literature.

But that'll never happen. So instead, I am asking you to hurl bricks at grammatical errors or set your Wapanese fangirl-eating hounds on those badfic authors. Or kindly point out their mistakes, if you're really patient.

This chapter also lightly made fun of OOCness and self-inserts. I know I've been using one myself, but that was only used as a 'bridge' between writing in second person and writing in first person. I'll try to make the next chapter longer, I promise!

The reason self-inserts are so annoying, is because of their remarkable resemblance to Mary-Sues. It's either that, or because they seem like they were made to live their authors fantasies, and make the characters OOC by doing so. They literally _radiate _waves of irritation(?), which is basically the equivalent of holding up a giant sign that says, "Hi! I'm annoying! Kill me and flame the author!" For example:

**Self Insert: hi! I'm Crystal-Sapphire-Emerald-Mackenzie-Madison-Chloe-Marilyn-Susan*, but call me Bunny-chan!1!1! this is my 1st story so plz dont critisize me so ill stay this bad at riting 4evr=a!1!1! ^w^**

**Amu: OMG UR SO COOL AND KAWAII1!1!**

**Tadagay: I 3 U BUNNY-SAMA!1!1**

**Yaya: OMG ITS TADAGAY KILL HIM!11!**

**Self Insert: *hit tadase with bat* there! now hes dead ^w^1!1!**

**Rima: YAY! THAT MEANS I GET 2 DO THE DISCLAIMER!1!**

**Nageheko*: NUH!1 I WANT 2 BUNNY-SAMA!1!**

**Self Insert: hmm…IKUTO! I CHOSE U*!1!1**

**Ikuto: bunny-sama does not own shugo chara, desu~nya!**

.: Amu POV :.

"today theres a new girl joining our class her name is Crystal-Sapphire-Emerald-Mackenzie-Madison-Chloe-Marilyn-Susan1!"our stopid tichir nikaido-sensei said.

"u can call me bunny-chan!"the new girl was rly prety and looked like a modil so every1 shouted "BUNNY-SAMA!1!"then ran said"I sense charas"and miki said"it has 2 b the new girl!1"after class was ovr we went up 2 bunny-sama and asked "hey do u want 2 join the gardens*?"then bunny-sama said "sure and i have 7 charas whos names r tiffany,neko,inu,clara,baka,usagi,and sara we trans4m 2gether we bcome embryo princess and then we can make all wishs come tru." so i said "shugoi!plz come 4 the meeting 2day!bye bunny-sama!"and she answered "okay! ^_^"

**Self Insert: dun-dun DUN!1 ul hav 2 read the next chappy 2 find out what happens at the meeting!1!**

**Amu: hey, is the new girl u?**

**Self Insert: im glad u noticed1! it is!**

**Yaya: wow…R&R1!**

**Self Insert: review cuz I wont update until i get 30 reviews!11

* * *

**

*Try to find the words "Mary Sue" in there!

*I misspelled it on purpose, so don't shoot it, okay? It really annoys me when I see invisible virtual holes in my story.

*Does this line remind anyone of a freakishly long anime that had a fairly good plot, but it gets worse and worse every season, which it has a ton of?

*Sorry for all of these notes, but I just want to tell you that it's meant to be a misspelling of the word 'guardians.'

* * *

Now doesn't that just make you want to wring her head, and low-capacity mind, off? Do you now see how annoying Lychee (the self-insert) was?

...

If you don't, you are either lying, blind, freakishly nice, being stupid, needing to see a doctor, needing mental therapy,or you have serious, incurable mental problems, which I highly doubt.

_

* * *

_

Chapter Summary: If you see a badfic, give criticism. If you are a badfic writer, expect criticism. If you have a self-insert, kill it before I come and flame you.


	9. A Documentary of Mary Sues

**Hello, people who actually bother reading the A/N's! I realized I had not updated for a month because of my laziness, writer's block, critic's block, typist's block, and my tendency to procrastinate, so I immediately rushed to get this thing typed up. My fingers are partially frozen, so forgive me if there are any typos. (Here's an example: typing any as 'ant.') I was about to just give you a short chapter about how stupid self-advertisement is, but I owe you guys a decent chapter after making you wait for so long. This is also my very crappy Christmas present to you guys, since I'm too lazy to type a fluffy one-shot. Oh, and this is in second person, mainly because I was too lazy to write it in first person. Enjoy…I hope…

* * *

**

The Guardians were bored…The End…How fun…And exciting…Yay…Notice the overuse of periods, and the terrible sentence structure.

This was how bored they had become. They were at the level were they would do _anything, _including speaking choppily, much like an illiterate three-year-old, to escape boredom, even for just a few seconds. In order to prevent this from becoming a badly-written crackfic, I decided to use the abilities bestowed upon me as The Narrator to save the story. Yes, I decided to educate them about _**Mary Sues.**_

A few seconds after the previous sentence was said, somewhere around the point of now, the Guardians were sent a package. Because I am The Narrator, and the fact that sending a package to each of them would waste too much paper, the Guardians were all in one place- the Royal Garden, where all of the unspoken Rules of the Universe are broken, just so that decent stories can be written. In this case, the broken rules were the following:

_Televisions and desktop computers cannot be installed in an over-sized greenhouse used by children who have nothing better to do than drink tea and eat cake after school._

_Mail cannot be sent to a place without an address._

_Postmen cannot effectively deliver mail within two seconds._

_Things falling out of the sky cannot miss the nearby character being used for comedic relief, and must immediately knock out a character, or squash the character into a little circle…shape…thing._

But, because this was the Royal Garden, a postman walked up to the table, placed a package at the exact center, and left.

Yaya, who chose to ignore the postman that somehow magically left the Royal Garden in three seconds, even though that's the time it would have taken for him to descend the stairs alone, but this fact was ignored, because, well, this was the Royal Garden, exclaimed, "Yaya-chii wonders what's in the package! Yaya-chii thinks that we should open it! Yaya-chii also thinks that was a really long introductory phrase!"

* * *

_Cut!_

_"What did Yaya-chii do?"_

_You're not supposed to know that The Narrator is there!_

_"Oh, Yaya understands now!"

* * *

_

The brunette did not wait for anyone to get out of their I'm-Bored-and-I-Don't-Feel-Like-Doing-Anything pose, and immediately tore the package apart in five seconds with her bare hands, despite the fact that said package was wrapped in two layers of bubble wrap, placed in a manila envelope, wrapped in five layers of duct tape, and then bound by twine. But, of course, that fact was ignored, because this was the Royal Garden.

"Look! It's a movie! Yaya-chii thinks that we should watch it!" Yaya announced. Not bothering to check the others' reaction, she put the disk into the CD player and grabbed some popcorn, which came out of nowhere. Nobody wondered why popcorn appeared out of thin air, because they were all used to props that suddenly appear for the sake of comedy. Yaya then sat down and began watching the "movie."

* * *

_Cut!_

_"Yaya didn't do anything this time!"_

_It wasn't you! It was the _others. _You're supposed to watch the movie too!_

_"Do we seriously have to?"_

_Yes, or none of us will get paid._

_"Then can we do something about the seating arrangement? I really don't want to be stuck sitting next to Crossdresser for an hour."_

_"It's quite nice knowing that you hate me."_

_You think I like this arrangement? Do you think that the author is going to be happy when she finds out that one of the characters was __**killed?**_

_"Then why are you making me sit next to __**him**__?"_

_It's either that, or we get killed by those crazy fangirls sitting behind those computer screens._

_"Then why is it always me? Why not the others?"_

_Because the author hates the other couples because of how badly-written they always are, and will fire all of us if she finds out that we created a fluffy scene for any of the other couples. Now quit complaining or I'll lower your salary.

* * *

_

The Guardians sat down on the couch, which had again, appeared out of thin air. Nobody bothered to look excited, since that had not been part of the contract. The video then began.

_A Documentary of Mary Sues_

**(I recommend picturing a dull, monotonous narrator voice saying these words.)**

_Since the beginning of fanfiction, Mary Sues have always lurked in the wild. They are in every fandom, and slowly spread their influence until the fandom is completely filled with their kind, thus destroying it. Today, we will observe a Sue in its natural habitat. Please, do not try approaching a Sue by yourself unless you have the proper equipment:_

_A flamethrower/Bucket of ice_

_Goggles to protect you from the harmful Sue rays_

_Armor to protect your body from the harmful Sue rays._

_Any brand of Anti-Sue spray- we recommend _Flaw™ _and _ Imperfection™*

_An even bigger, and hopefully violent, Sue that can kill the Sue if it gets out of control. We suggest that you use a loner-type Sue for this, so you won't have to deal with the cattiness of this Sue. (And her shiny purse of perfection.)_

_This is a Sue carefully extracted from the Shugo Chara fandom. We used a chara Sue (which sends out weaker Sue waves than an ordinary human Sue. Do not assume that all non-human Sues are less harmful, for some can contaminate you just by existing.) to protect your eyes from the Sue rays, which can cause potential brain damage, even in front of the TV. This Sue coincidentally happens to be named Nadeshiko, which, roughly translated, can mean, "perfect girl." Here is a live video clip of this Sue:_

_As if on cue, Nadeshiko came out of her __**perfect**__ egg, and did a __**perfect**__ curtsy, and then took off her __**perfect**__ jacket and placed it in her previously mentioned__** perfect**__ egg, revealing her __**perfect**__ little rose pink dress. She then took out her __**perfect**__ purse, out of her previously mentioned __**perfect**__ egg, and pulled out her __**perfect**__ miniature flute case, which held a __**perfect**__ miniature flute, which she __**perfectly**__ assembled, and then she began to play a __**perfect**__ piece, which she **perfectly **composed__ on a sheet of __**perfect**__ paper she made herself, on which she had __**perfectly**__ written her __**perfect**__ notes in her __**perfect**__ handwriting, like a __**perfect**__ Mary-Sue. Ah, the joy of perfection. You can see why we hate her now, can't you? _

_That was an example of a _**Perfect Sue, **_the most common type of Sue there is__**; **__Also known as Barbie-itis Sues, it is a type of Sue that's perfect, __has no flaws, is drop-dead gorgeous, always cheerful, always liked, famous, is often unnatural good at singing, rich for no apparent reason, good at everything, and etcetera. Quite like that- is that a boy, or a girl? I'll just call it a thing- sitting in front of the TV right now._

The ever-so-spiteful Rima Mashiro then laughed at the comment, not because it was funny, but because it was making fun of the person she hated.

_He's good at practically everything: cooking, dancing, singing, being perfect, and everything else. (He's also very rich...I demand money for doing this.) The perfect example of a Gary Stu- the Mary Sue's male counterpart._

_There are four main types of Sues_, _which can each be broken up into smaller sub-categories, which split into even smaller groups of other Mary Sues with the same level of Sue-ism, which are then split into tiny sub-groups of Sues with similar traits_. _This is unofficially known as the_ **Sue Kingdom**.*

_The second type of Sues are known as _**Failed De-Sue-ifiying Sues**_; Also known as the Cute Sue, they have many "cute" flaws, are plain-looking, but still loved by many, stay positive even if they're about to die, are sometimes hated by fangirls because of how close they are to the guy they worship, are klutzy enough to be cute, and may contain any other trait that falls into this category._

" THEY'RE ALSO THE TYPICAL SHOJO MANGA LEAD! LIKE AMU-CHII!" Yaya screamed, thus interrupting the video. The other characters momentarily snapped out of their boredom, and stared at Yaya as if she was crazy (which she was).

"Hey! What do you mean by that?" Amu asked.

"Oh, you know, how you always trip or fall or end up as the punch-line of a joke!" Yaya explained. Before an argument of some sort could break out, they were interrupted by the video, which suddenly became three times as loud.

_**The previously mentioned type of Sue is often created by authors who are intelligent enough to know what a Sue is,**_ _**causing them to try to avoid them, thus creating a character they don't like. The author will probably try to make them likable by making them unnaturally cute, which still creates a Sue.**_

_The third group are known as _**Misunderstood Dramatic Heroine Sues; **_Hated by everyone, and treated more harshly because nobody "understands" them. A trait that they all share is a tragic past. A canon character of the opposite gender often comforts them and then they start dating and live happily ever after. When Easter is included in the story, they are often some kind of undercover agent sent to fight the Guardians. After becoming friends with them, they'll reveal that they're actually an undercover agent for Easter because of their __**tragic **__past. This plot device has been used at least a hundred times, and could be officially recognized as a cliché. _

_The fourth type of Sue is the _**"Different" Popular Loner Sue**_; The new girl who looks awesome and cool and is __**perfect**__ at everything, but has no friends because people think she's too cool and __**perfect**__ to approach, even by the canon characters. Yes, you have probably seen them around before- the _**Amu Wannabe**_. They are almost exactly the same, with only their degrees of Sue-ism to set them apart. Their most prominent trait is how irritating they are. They are the most likely to cause you to yell at the screen, ranting about how unoriginal the Sue is. Rikka, Saaya, and that fanboy whose name starts with S were all Amu wannabes at some point. Please note the fact that one of the first thoughts you thought upon reading one of their names was, "Ugh, this person is so annoying." So, therefore, this proves that the Amu Wannabe's most prominent trait is how irritating they are._

_That concludes this fun learning adventure. Please stay tuned for the next video in the series: _The Wonderful Documentary of the Wonderful World of Self-Inserts.

"That wasted ten minutes of my life. I hate that film," Rima said.

"Well, look on the bright side," Amu said, "it's not like we had anything else to do."

"We could have been complaining about our low paychecks, how little say we have in things, the absurd story ideas, and the grammatical errors," Hikaru said.

"Says the person who gets paid and influences the stories the most," Nagihiko remarked.

"Well, Nagi doesn't need the money, because Nagi is already rich! But Yaya-chii needs the money to buy candy!" Yaya whined.

"Umm, they still haven't stopped filming, so you might want to stop complaining," Tadase said. This caused various levels of panic, ranging from the 'Oh no I fell off a cliff into a field of mines!' level of panic, to the 'Why is this even scary?' level.

"I told you we shouldn't have gotten the charas to film. They're complete airheads, with the exception of Hotaru. It's a wonder that they didn't forget to press the play button," Rima said.

"It wasn't our idea! It was mister I-want-to-get-paid-more-even-though-I'm-already-the-head-of-a-huge-company's idea!" Rikka said.

"But all of you agreed to it, so it's not completely my fault," Hikaru pointed out.

"The charas are still filming," Tadase noted. Apparently, someone got fed up with all of the arguing and uttered the forbidden word: prince. And because of that, Tadase stood up, and yelled like a Santa Claus on drugs. "MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA! COMMONERS, STOP THE CAMERA AND BOW BE-"

**End of Episode 9

* * *

**

*I'm quite sure these are not brand names, so don't threaten to find some lawyers that will sue me because I used the little TM sign.

*No, this does not exist. I just randomly made it up to fit the documentary theme.

Hello, people who are reading this! Today, we spoke about the subject that all guides include- Mary Sues. Yes, those little abominations, like Bunny-sama. (Chapter 8 reference)

Self-Inserts are very closely tied to Mary Sues, since almost all self-inserts _are _Mary Sues. If you can create a self-insert, and I can deem it un-Sue-ish, then you have very good self-control and deserve a dozen virtual cookies.

There are several traits that a Sue must have:

**1. A Sue **_**must**_**be pretty or attractive, with very few exceptions. But if you're pretty, that doesn't necessarily mean that you're a Sue.**

**2. A Sue **_**must**_** be the love interest of a canon character or fall in love with a canon character, unless there is no romance at all in the story.**

**3. A Sue **_**must**_** be special or something. 0.(0*100)+1 exceptions. Solve the math, or Bunny-sama will come and whack you with her perfect purse of Sue-ism.**

**4. A Sue in this fandom **_**must**_** have at least three charas. And lastly,**

**5. A Sue **_**must**_** be irritating to at least two people.**

Wait, I just remembered a sixth rule!

**6. A Sue **_**must**_** be flamed upon reading a chapter of a story that contains one. Break this rule, and I will hunt you down and lock you in a virtual room with Bunny-sama and Recharu. **

There was also another hidden rule- Obey the laws of physics or I will throw bricks at you.

Back in the days when only read fanfics and didn't review because I didn't know we could review without an account I saw tons of fics where things just appeared out of thin air for the sake of convenience. For example,

**Self-Insert: OMG DERES A JIANT INDESTUKTIBLE MONSTER1!exclaim!one!1 i NO1! ILL JUST KIL IT W/ DIS MAGICAL HACHIT OF DESTRUING DAT I FOWD ON DE GROUND!1exclaim!i!**

Life is not that convenient, as stated in this ancient Chinese proverb my dad keeps on pounding into my skull. "Meat pies don't fall out of the sky," (roughly translated) which means that things don't randomly appear when you need them, because you have to earn them yourself. So please, if you want some prop to magically appear, give a legitimate reason. Simply saying that they were lucky does not count.

* * *

Also, in case you were wondering what self-advertisement is, here's an example:

**A Story**

**by**

**the author of this story, a sucky story, a dull story, a plot less story, and a grammatically incorrect story.**

There's another way to do it, and you see that one around much more than the one above.

**Lychee **(Omg she's back! xD) **: *Sigh***

**Nadeshiko **(See Sue above)** : Why are you upset?**

**Lychee: You see, I wrote this super-awesome fic titled **_**Rainbow Unicorns of Doom **_**(Don't ask), but it barely has any reviews…*sigh***

**Rima: It was horrible. It doesn't deserve any reviews.**

**Lychee: *Sigh* I guess you're right…I feel too depressed to update anymore…**

**Nadeshiko: Quick! Go review that story before she stops this story!**

Basically, you shove one of your other stories into your readers' face, just so you can get reviews. During self-advertisement, the author will probably fake depression, or threaten to stop updating if they don't review. It's a giant waste of time, and it's irritating. Don't do it.

Also, please vote in the poll on my profile! I need the information for a future chapter.

* * *

Chapter Summary: Ohayo minna-chan! My name is Pretty-Princess-chan, I have 12 charas, I'm smart, athletic, pretty, artistic, good at singing and writing, I can make money magically appear out of thin air because I'm the super-powerful Authoress, and I'm also dating Ikuto. This reminds me; did I tell you about this super-awesome fic I wrote which you should revie-*shot a thousand times*


	10. Why We Hopefully Hate SelfInserts

A petite blonde walked, er, _shuffled,_ to the center of the stage. She pulled out a note-card and began reading in her expressionless voice.

"Hello, insane and mentally instable fools. _(Read this sentence with excitement)_ Today, we have shoved the director in the closet, and are doing nothing.

Then, in a loud stage whisper, someone from behind the curtains shouted, _"NO!1! WATASHI IS GOING TO DO A SHOW TODAY DESU~ NYA!1!" _**(Yes. Be afraid, because she's back.)**

With a sigh much larger than herself (which really isn't saying that mu- OW! Sorry! Please don't hurt me! Nice midge-OW! I'll be quiet!), the blonde continued, "Nothing being a chapter with our 'special' guest. Please turn off electronics and hide all bright items, because the format change could cause a malfunction in them, causing you to be electrocuted or blinded for life." After a slight pause, she added, "Not that I care," and promptly shuffled to wherever she came from.

After a 1.414213562* second pause, a hideous mop of _not _pi- **

?: OHAYO MINNA-CHAN, WATASHI IS BACK DESU~NYA!11!1

Amu: N-nani? What's happening? And why was I speaking in Japanese? I thought this was an English broadcast!

Yaya: DUH! Because Japanese is shugoi and awesome and the best language evah!11!

Amu: YAYA? That wasn't very in-character…are y-you okay?

Rima: She's perfectly fine, Amu-chan! We're all genki-genki here!

Nagi: Rima-chan~ ^_^

Ikuto: Yo. *fangirls in non-existent audience faint*

Amu: O_O'…..Something's wrong. I'm getting the feeling that someone messed with their minds…Kaichou! Do you know what's wrong?

Kairi: There all perfectly fine. Some strange power has trapped us in this alternate dimension and-*singing random educational songs*

Amu: Kill me now…Wait…that's something Rima-chan would say! A-and Class Prez would never sing out in public! So the world must be ending! And if the world is ending, then-

Nagi: RIMA-CHAN! THE WORLD IS ENDING!

Rima: DON'T WORRY, NAGI-KOI, YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE ME! *glomp*

?: RELAX! ANATA DOESN'T NEED TO WORRY! THE SEKAI IS FINE DESU~NYA!1!

Amu: E-eh! It is? Then why is everyone acting so weird?

?: *laughs* Watashi thinks that maybe Recharu accidentally pressed the OOC switch desu~nya…

Amu: Re-Recharu? !

Recharu: HAI DESU~NYA! WATASHI WANTS TO INTRODUCE MINNA TO WATASHI NO CHARAS, DESU~NYA!1! Uta, Mimi, Sakura, Wapa, Ani, Kiki, Loli, and Kura, desu~nya!1!

Utau: HEY! One of them stole my name!

Amu: Utau! You too?

Recharu: OK!1! THIS IS WATASHI NO TALKSHOW SO WATASHI WILL DO A DARE FROM OUR REVIEWER DESU~NYA!1!

_OMG I 3 ur story so much!11!1!1!1!1!_

_I dare you to Chara-nari with one of your eight charas! _

_P.S. I am not Recharu in disguise!1! _

Recharu: HAI!1! Watashi picks…*eenie-meenie-miny-moe… * MIMI DESU~NYA1!11!

Amu: W-wait! I'm the main character! So shouldn't it be me?

Recharu: This isn't anata's story! So watashi should Chara-nari desu~nya1!

Atashi no kokoro; ANROKKU! *enters sparkly transformation mode*

CHARA-NARI!11! RABURII PURINSESU DESU~NYA!1!exclaim! (Lovely Princess)

TadaGAY: OMG IT'S PINK AND SPARKLY!1!

Amu: T-Tadase-kun…

Yaya: OMG IT'S TADAGAY KILL HIM!1!1

Kairi: TO THE GAKUEN ALICE ARCHIVES!1!1!

Rima: *grabs Hotaru's baka gun arsenal-don't ask how she can carry that many weapons with her mi- I'M SORRY MASHIRO-SAMA!- and gives them to everyone but Amu and Tadase*

Ikuto: FIRE!1!

Everyone: *shoots Tadase*

Amu: E-eh! D-did you just kill T-Tadase-kun!(?)

Rima: Probably.

Recharu: OK, NOW WATASHI WANTS TO SHOW MINNA RECHARU'S CHARA-NARI ATTACKS DESU~NYA!11! RABURII CROWN!1!exclaim!

All boys except Tadase- I mean Tadagay- the dead: WE LUV U RECHARU-SAMA *glomp*

Utau: Hmm…something isn't- Wait! Why are we all acting like this? This is nothing like our true personalities! *walks over to the boys*And you are just pitiful! She's a Sue! And not even the author's self-insert! So-

Recharu: Actually, watashi is desu~nya!

Lychee: Not while I'm- unfortunately- here.

Everyone: She's back! *runs to door*

Recha-

"THIS IS RECHARU'S TALKSHOW, AND WATASHI IS THE AUTHOR'S SELF INSERT, SO GO AWAY!" the pseudo rosette screamed.

"WELL IF YOU'RE THE AUTHOR'S SELF INSERT, THEN WHY DON'T YOU HAVE MAGICAL AUTHOR POWERS!" the other girl shouted. She confidently waved her arm in the air and…nothing. Seeing that, Recharu regained her confidence and…nothing as well. After a few moments of silencce, the perplexed look on the shorter, raven-haired girl's face turned into one of understanding.

"According to the non-existent book of rules for self-inserts, 'When there's a conflict between two or more self-inserts of an author, the conflicting sides will have their magical author powers withdrawn for the duration of the conflict,' or something," she explained. Turning to Utau, she said, "Either way, thanks for fixing my, I mean, _the author's _story."

"HEY!11! OMAE STILL DESTROYED RECHARU'S TALKSHOW, SO OMAE WILL PAY DESU~NYA!1!" Recharu screamed. And with that, and her still intact Sue powers, she grabbed the nearest camera and flung it at the present characters, including the now revived Tadase.

"We're going to have to find some way to get rid of that Sue by ourselves," Amu grimly announced.

"The only Sues we have are Amu-chan, who's not technically Sue because almost all main characters have to be Sues, because if they weren't Sues, there wouldn't be anything special about them, and the thing. Said object is expendable, so I say that we leave him here and escape." Rima suggested. As expected, everyone sighed, ignored her pointless attempt to get rid of Nagihiko, and moved on.

"Why can't we just try to defeat her with our attacks?" Kairi asked, while expertly dodging another camera.

"We tried that last time, but it didn't work," Nagihiko said. "I don't think she's human. That time, our attacks just went through her. Plus, we don't even have our charas with us."

"Hey! What about me?" the former author cried.

"You can't Chara-Nari, can you?" Amu asked. She ducked to avoid a microphone being thrown at her, causing it to hit Yaya, who was unfortunate enough to stand behind her.

"OW!"

"I'm sorry!"

"I've never been in a life-threatening situation, or used 120% of my charas' power, so no." Lychee continued.

"Neither has she," Utau pointed out, "In fact, I'm pretty sure all she's done is throw tantrums in front of her computer, while torturing poor innocent children who have to act in an anime for a living." She sidestepped as another prop flew past her.

"So should I try?" Lychee asked.

"We need all the help we can," Tadase chimed in.

"So…Yuuko…wake up. And I guess I'll just…how do you make the Unlock symbol again? Oh, I know," the former author mumbled, "Here goes…My own heart, UNLOCK!" Lychee stood there, unmoving, until a chair was thrown at the group.

"It appears that you were unsuccessful," Kairi noted.

"We can see that," Utau grumbled.

"Hey, she's gone."

Everyone turned to look at where Recharu was standing just moments ago. Sure enough, Ikuto was right, (as usual) and Recharu had disappeared.

"That was easy," Yaya said.

"You're right. I expected a harder battle," Amu said.

"I think…yes, she's back," Nagihiko announced.

"And she has the curtains."

"YAYA IS GOING TO DIE! Hey, Nagi, have you noticed that your hair turned black?"

* * *

**To Be Continued… (I'm lazy)**

**

* * *

**

*The first person to understand this mathematical reference and explain it in a review can, er, will be forced to put a self-insert in the next chapter or the one after the next chapter. (No, Spazzy, you can't do this since I already told you the answer) I don't mind if it's a Sue, but be prepared for severe bashing if it is. And if it's not a Sue, you'll still get bashed, just not as heavily.

**Huge hint here, for the mathematically challenged. I didn't even mean for that to happen! I just cut off the word pink! Not that you would care.

* * *

**A "friendly" message from me**

Surprise. I'm alive, and as spiteful as ever. My computer crashed and deleted my halfway completed chapter, and I just didn't have the heart to type everything up again.

Now, after much self-bashing, and guilting, I finally retyped what I originally had, in a record three days.

Really, you know how slowly I update. (Unless this is your first time reading this) I usually take about two and a half weeks to type the story segment alone!

* * *

**Problem A**

Anyways, that's beside the point, which I have not yet stated. (..) The point is that self-insert Sues suck. If I could, I'd go on a rampage and shoot each and every one of them down, after forcing them, and their creators, to read nine hundred pages worth of information about how useless and stupid self-insert Sues are. But, because I'm too lazy to _find and type _nine hundred pages worth of insults, and because I could not hunt all of them down, I won't.

You see, no matter what you say about me being "insecure because I 'put down' others to make myself feel better," self-inserts will almost _always_ be a Sue. And I will hunt them down and _**kill**_ them. Or at least drive their creators off the verge of insanity.

Now, you may ask, "Why do you hate self-insert Sues so much?"

Go ahead. Ask, and then make fun of my choppy sentences.

**…..**

Well, you see, quoting my non-biological twin, Sparkes585, "[I am] the biggest Mary Sue someone will ever meet." (Ask any of my classmates. Most will say something along those lines, without the term Mary Sue.) I know there are human Sues out there, and those Sues should be proud of having earned their Sue status. In fact, even _semi-Sues _should be proud. In fact, if anyone (other than your best friend, the local psycho, the local overall nice girl, your teacher or parents or some other voice of authority who has never heard of the saying that "nobody's perfect," etc.) has ever acknowledged your skill or intelligence, be proud of yourself.

Unless you just went all psycho therapist/counselor on your readers during a rant. Then, you should lock yourself up and sulk while eating unhealthy foods, like me!

Now, with that OOC pep talk in mind, think about it this way:

Does it not make you angry when you see someone portray themselves, which they claim to be just another character, as the student everyone idolizes or hates because of her talents, when the author appears to just be another one of the many lazy, selfish, shallow spoiled brats that expect to reap rewards with no effort of this generation?

Does it not make you angry to see those people typing out their fantasies, which they will never achieve with no effort, which closely resembles one of the accomplishments of you, your friends, or even your _enemies, _worked hard to achieve?

Are you angry now? Are you saddened by how _petty, _and_ shallow_ these people are? If you aren't, then you could very well be one of them, or turning into one of them.

The truth is painful. And so is listening to that little voice telling you to do the right thing, even though you don't want to. In fact, I know for sure that many people have tuned it out long ago. Really, how hard is it to do the right thing, so you can honestly say that you are a good person?

**…..**

Sorry there. I got a little off track.

So, in short, self-insert Sues are usually the product of wishful thinking without the will to achieve your goals. But even if the accomplishments of your character mirror the one of someone you know, that doesn't mean that it's okay to make it that way.

Fanfiction is using the characters of an already established fandom and writing stories about them. If Fanfiction was meant for OC-centered stories, OC would be one of the primary character options on the drop-down list. If you want to write an OC centered story, I'm fine with it, as long it's not trash along the lines of this:

**_ _**** is a powerful agent from [insert main antagonist group here], sent to destroy the Guardians. She could easily do so, because she can gather the power of several Shugo Charas into an egg and transform with it! But what happens when she falls in love with the Guardians' most powerful ally- Ikuto?**

Really, are you _that _self-centered? It could be a great story plot- If the main character wasn't your OC. Of course, you'd probably think that your plot was creative and blah blah blah, but that took me five seconds to think of.

And if you are pairing yourself with Ikuto/Kukai/Nagihiko/Kairi for odd fangirl reasons, then I can relate, because one of my friends is a super-otaku and would stalk Kaito the Vocaloid if he were real, but still. Does she have to be a super-Sue as well?

…..

Wait, I have a solution:

**Pretend that you **_**are**_** Amu/Utau/Yaya/Rima/Whoever.**

And why? For the following reasons:

A) You end up with Ikuto/Kukai/Nagihiko/Kairi, like you wanted.

B) You get to be a semi-Sue/Sue with awesome talents that you'll never achieve by sitting there and doing nothing.

C) Other authors such as me won't have to sort through as much junk when we try to find decent fics to read.

So everyone's more-or-less happy. Problem solved, the end.

* * *

**Problem B**

Even though this was mentioned towards the end of the story, I find this to be the second most important point. Brace yourself, the truth is coming:

Not everyone can Character Transform. You need to use 120% of your chara's power, which I guess is triggered by strong emotions.

Amu transformed because she was about to die, unless she somehow stopped falling.

Utau could transform because she, obviously, wanted to protect Ikuto.

Rima probably transformed because she didn't want anyone to feel the sadness she felt when her parents wouldn't laugh.

Kukai, the first exception. I don't think just being in the light of the Humpty Lock will make you transform; it probably just magnifies power and emotion, seeing how it didn't affect the Guardians until later.

Tadase needed to be stronger and a better leader/king, so, he transformed.

Nagihiko needed to beat the X-charas in basketball with only Amu's help, and you know how useless she is when it comes to sports. Of course, it triggered memories and an emotional scene about him wanting to be a boy, and he transformed. During his and Rima's Easter battle, he understood his "Nadeshiko" situation, and transformed again.

And yet, _everywhere,_ the main OC is able to transform immediately after her egg is born, usually because they felt the need to help the X egg or something. That's nice and all, but unless their chara was born from their dream to help people, they don't need to use 120% of their power.

* * *

**Problem C**

I don't have anything against talkshows. I just hate how the vast majority of them are in chat format, which, as stated in the Guidelines, is not allowed, unless you have a valid excuse.

Plus, most of them lack creativity and are along the lines of this:

**Host: Okay, first up, we have a dare for Amu.**

**Amu: So what do I need to do?**

**Host: [insert dare here]**

**Amu: But-**

**Host: No complaining!**

**Amu: *sigh* Fine. *does dare***

**Everyone else: O_O**

…but with improper grammar and more smiley faces. So really, I don't really see the originality and creativity in those.

* * *

**Problem D**

Why does everyone have so many charas? It's like the _minimum _number is three.

Having twenty charas is not a good thing. One or two is reasonable, but if you have twenty different dreams, then that probably shows that you haven't worked hard enough to improve yourself. Usually, people end up with so many, because instead of having one chara for each cluster of dreams, they have one for each individual wish, or because they count every little dream as a strong one, thus causing a lot of charas.

Think about Lulu and how indecisive she was. Now, think about how many charas she has.

One. Even though she wanted to try "everything," she only has one dream, because when worded correctly, it only counts as one dream.

You don't get a chara for each little wish. I'm sure all of the characters have once thought, "I wish I could get better grades," but they don't have an individual chara for that wish, do they? In order for a chara to be born, you must have a strong wish. If you just think, "I wish I was a better artist…I'm not really that good…Oh well…I'm going to go watch anime," and don't work for it, you won't get a chara for that wish.

Simply put, you have to be _obsessive _about something for it to turn into a chara.

But, even if you really are obsessive about twenty varying things, then that doesn't necessarily mean you should have twenty charas. There's a fine line between telling the truth, and purposely getting on people's nerves. In this situation, the line doesn't exist, so both are one and the same. I highly doubt you would have time to obsess over more than three things, unless you have no life, but even if it was the truth, I'm sure that many people would still find that to be very annoying.

* * *

**Problem E**

OOC-ness is not cute. I'll probably write a chapter about this in the future, but I'll briefly write about it right now.

Please, just try to imagine the characters in your mind, and see which things you can imagine them doing. It seems as if everyone has forgotten that Rima does not shout, exclaim, express happiness or excitement on a regular basis, play sports, act like a spazzy tsundere, or glomp people. I'm a bit confused about how people can mix up Rima, Amu, and Yaya, and not notice. If you can't remember to keep the characters in character, then you should probably undergo therapy for amnesia.

On that happy note, I would like to address another problem that is not related to the chapter: the summary.

In 90% of the summaries, there is always a stupid question, such as, "Will they succeed in their mission?" or, "What happens when _?" Of course, there are also the pointless yes or no questions, which we all know will end up being the answer that benefits the author/fangirl's shippy visions. So really, what's the point of asking them? Am I the only who thinks questions are annoying? (No, of course not! You guys are all sensible…I hope…unless you're one of the people I have flamed that are trying to find material for a hate review…)

Here are the results for the poll that was previously on my profile:

9 votes- Tadamu

8 votes- TadasexOC, TadasexLulu

6 votes- TadasexSaaya, TadasexNadeshiko, TadasexOther

4 votes- TadasexFiller-Character-That-I-Find-Annoying (which is all of them)

3 votes- TadasexYaya, TadasexIkuto, TadasexKuukai

2 votes- TadasexRima, (Don't split up Rimahiko! D:) TadasexKirishima Fuyuki, (I found out what his name was!) Tadasexthat-Amu-fanboy-whose-name-I-don't-know

1 vote- TadasexNagihiko, TadasexKairi

5 people didn't care as long as he died, and one believed that, "NOO!l!1! GAY BLONDS DON'T DESERVE 2 B HAPPI!1!1" Nobody supported TadasexNobuko. (as expected)

It's not there anymore. I put a new one up, because the Tadase chapter that everyone will hate is after the continuation of this one.

* * *

**Chapter Summary: Talkshows suck 99% of the time, so if you want to create one, stay with the 1% that does it well.**

**Self-insertion itself isn't bad, but those scary fangirls destroyed the thin line between self-insertion and self-glorifying. So the next time you see one of those fangirls, show no mercy and flame them. Unless you're nice. Then, you should just repeatedly whack yourself on the head with a medium-weight object until you're not that annoyed anymore. Have a nice day, and thank you for reading! (This is what I say when I flame someone. Be scared…)**


	11. Rima in Crossoverland

**I'm sorry.**

**I **_**was**_** about to update with an actual chapter, but the current chapter was getting too hard to write. So then I took a break from writing altogether and did other things. Like trying to translate a whole entire song from Chinese to English. (Which, by the way, I could not fully complete because my "Chinese Phrases and Idioms" dictionary didn't include poetic terms, and my mom could not translate those phrases either.) And finally watching Hetalia. (Don't kill me. I was too lazy to.) Then, I tried writing again, gave up, and decided to use that chapter later, and write this as an omake. Then, it somehow escalated to this length, and turned into a multi-omake.**

* * *

Rima looked up from her terribly boring textbook.

She didn't know why, and she didn't question it either. But she lifted her head up and looked around the familiar scene of her backyard.

It was a dull backyard. Grass that grew to a fairly uniform length, insects flitting and crawling around, an extremely irritating Narrator sitting just out of sight, describing the ordinary scene which Rima felt compelled to look at. Oh, and there was also an enormous tree which she just happened to be sitting against.

…..

Since when did she have a tree in her backyard? And since when did she have a backyard at all? And how is it possible to even _have_ a backyard in this huge, cramped city?

Puzzled, Rima and her usual disinterested face searched her memories for any event that may have caused a backyard to materialize _exactly_ where she remembered her psychotic neighbor (and English teacher's) house was.

_Well, I don't remember it, but it would have been nice if a bulldozer came and tore Kurosaki-sensei's house down. It would be even better if they had accidentally killed her in the process as well._

She reasoned that this must have been why she felt compelled to look up, and went back to memorizing the names and dates of the wars the U.S. has fought in, despite the fact that this was nowhere in the curriculum of a normal Japanese student.*

Until a few minutes later, when she suddenly felt the urge to look up yet again.

_Oh, my, what shall I do? A giant, gaping black hole leading to an unknown place has just appeared in front of me. I guess I'm supposed to climb down and see where it leads to, right?_

For strange reasons, the air seemed to nod. Because this terribly written chapter will also subtly shove the laws of lack-of-physics in your face, no further explanation will be required.

_Too bad. I'm on vacation right now, so you guys can't force me into one of your dumb fanfictions, unless you've already typed a chapter, and are returning from a hiatus!_

Rima went back to her book with a slight smirk, knowing that she had beat those fangirls this time.

That is, until an extremely strong wind just _happened_ to come along, and, coincidentally, and start _pushing_ her towards the hole.

_Wait…you can't do this to me! I have an union contract! But, then again, this one hasn't been so bad. Idiotic Co-worker 1 still hasn't shown up yet, and it's been almost six hundred words. Well, since I was at least allowed to not complain about Crossdresser and work on my homework instead, I guess this isn't so bad. I guess I'll spend time in this fanfic until some fanatical author drags me into a "Rimahiko" for the 2,5793__rd*__ time._

And so, with this thought, the petit blonde decided to walk to the large, gaping hole herself. The Narrator, though being in plain sight, was completely ignored as it followed Rima to the edge of the void.

_Hmm…every time a large object just happened to materialize in a fic, it's turned into an extremely OOC story where I end up looking stupid. Then again, this one actually has a half-way decent narrator, so that's not likely._

As our heroine thought about what to do, the audience grew bored. Because a bored audience equals less reviews, the air started to panic, as if sensing the fear of the very author writing this tedious tale.

In fact, the air was in so much dramatic, angsty turmoil that it uprooted the big tree mentioned fifteen or so paragraphs ago, and caused it to fall towards the very spot Rima was standing in; in very slow motion, of course, for dramatic effect.

It was in these 7.029586 seconds that Rima decided to jump down the hole, with her elegant blond mop of hair billowing behind her, rather than to be crushed by a tree. The Narrator jumped as well, but because she was not the heroine, and because she did not have an elegant mop of blond hair, no further description was given.

As Rima (and the Narrator) fell, she (they) noticed a wide array of items surrounding them.

She (they) fell slowly enough to even list some of them.  
First, there was a random shower of flowers. Sakura petals, roses, daisies- you get the idea.  
Then, they passed through a thick layer of invincible bubbles that didn't move and didn't pop. They happened to be pink.  
Afterwards, they entered a large cloud of sparkles.

Rima sneezed, and batted a few of them away. When that didn't work, she just tried to ignore them, and oddly enough, they left her alone. She remained this way for the next thirty seconds.

Then, larger, heavier, and considerably more solid objects replaced the harmless sparkles from before.

After about 30 seconds of dodging random props, a kitchen sink fell squarely on the Narrator's head, against all laws of physics, and rendered it unconscious. Because of this, no further description of their descent was given.

* * *

When they reached the bottom, Rima gracefully landed with a soft "thud."

The Narrator, who had woken just seconds before, was not so lucky, skilled, graceful, or elegant, and landed flat on its face. Luckily, the impact was not too heavy, so it remained conscious, and could continue the story.

Rima looked around. This place looked almost exactly like the interior of her house. In fact, if not for the stray sparkles that still flitted around her, she would have thought this to be a dream.

_Maybe this really is a dream, and I'm still dreaming. If I fall asleep in a dream, would I actually wake up? Falling asleep would be too hard. I remember that getting into a near death situation wakes you up too. So I guess I should find somewhere to die. The fastest way would be to jump out of our second-floor window, if this is my house. I suppose it's worth a try._

With that thought, our delicate protagonist headed towards the staircase, the Narrator trailing behind her.

As she ascended the short flight of stairs, Rima thought about how suspiciously long the stairs seemed to be. When she made the final turn, a person swiftly landed before her.

A beautiful girl with ankle-length, raven black hair, stunning brown orbs that seemed to pierce through Rima's very soul, and a tattoo of the roman numeral for thirteen located right below her collarbone, pointed her gun, ornately engraved with the roman numeral thirteen as well, at our petite heroine. Her black, diamond-studded miniskirt rustled in perfect, synchronized movements with her black, half-length leather jacket.

"I am the Black Kitten, and I'm here to bring bad luck," the mysterious girl announced.

"_Kitten_? Cat would be so much more threatening. 'Black Kitten' sounds quite stupid." Rima stated.

The girl sighed dramatically. "Well, yeah, but that's already been taken. You see, my older brother was the previous No. XIII assassin, but then he quit and I took his job. He was called the Black Cat, and since I'm just as good as him, but three years younger, they call me the Black Kitten," she explained, in a rather matter-of-factly way. "Anyways, that aside, I've been sent to kill you, and so it's been nice talking to you and all that. Nobody really bothers to ask about me." She interrupted her rather long speech by sighing dramatically yet again. "So, prepare to die or whatever."

She pointed her gun at Rima again, with no regard to the Narrator, but just before she could pull the trigger, another girl appeared and fly-tackle-hug-tackled the first, her brown pigtails flying.

"No!" she yelled, as the obviously-prettier-looking one disappeared in a puff of smoke, causing the brunette to fall to the ground with enough force to induce a coma. Unsurprisingly, she managed to stand up again.

"Phew, that was close! That girl had the Instant-Death-Bullet-Shooting-Gun-Shooting Alice*! If she had shot at you, you would have died, even if it didn't hit you! There are a lot of scary people in this place, but my Nullifying Alice seems to work on all of them. They just disappear in a puff of smoke if I touch them, which is really weird. And by the way, I'm Mikan Sakura. Who are you?"

While all of that was being said, our heroine simply stood there, eyes glazed. When she finally realized that a question had been asked, she answered, "Speak more slowly. That would make you sound less annoying." The Narrator subtly nodded its/her head, although nobody noticed.

To Rima's surprise, the other girl, Mikan, was not offended. "My friend Hotaru tells me that all the time! We've best friends for a while now. I was in her lab, and I think I touched something I wasn't supposed to. Then, 'poof!' I appeared in this place. I think I might be lost. If my friends were here, I wouldn't be worried, because they're really reliable. But Hotaru was the only other person there, and I was just reaching for a box of Howalon that I saw sitting on a shelf! Maybe Hotaru bought them for Thanksgiving. Or maybe it could have been for a birthday party. Ooh, birthday parties are really fun! But anyways, then I think I accidentally hit something with my hand, and now I'm here with nobody to help me! And I don't know the way out. Do you know where I should go?" These questions were all entirely directed at Rima, with our Narrator being ignored.

This time, Rima had learned her lesson and tried to make sense of Mikan's frantic babbling. For a moment, she considered lying. Then, she remembered the presence of a Narrator, which signify the forces of a Story. And in a Story, those that perform a good deed _always _get rewardedin the end. Always.

_I guess that since this is a Story, and because someone who needs help magically appeared out of nowhere, the only way I'll be able to get out of this stupid place is by helping this person._

She sighed, beginning to regret going on vacation after all.

"Yes, this is my house. Go down the stairs, then take the corridor going right. The last door on the left should lead you out." She said.

Mikan smiled. "Thanks! Now bye!" She waved and ran off.

Somehow, Rima knew it couldn't have ended right then. She sat down on the steps, tired from the day's events.

She really missed her gag manga.

* * *

Sure enough, within a few minutes, Mikan had returned.

"Ah, sorry to bother you again, but I got lost! I forgot your directions. Could you show me the way out?"

Rima sighed again. She couldn't help but think of Yaya, who, now that she thought about it, looked almost exactly like Mikan. There was just this one little thing that seemed a bit _odd…_

She dismissed these thoughts, and answered, "Sure," with yet another sigh.

She delicately walked down the familiar route to the exit, like it was any other day when she had to go to work/school/Tortureland and get glomped by Yaya. Minus Kusukusu. But then again, nobody really bothered to remember the charas, so she wan't that surprised.

The Narrator stumbled down the steps, tripped, and fell on its face. It sighed, wishing for at least one comment of concern.

"There. Enjoy yourself and don't get killed." Our petite heroine deadpanned.

"But don't you want to leave too?" asked Mikan

"Why would I?"

"Don't you know?" Mikan's most-likely standard cheerful expression quickly changed into a slightly sinister smile. "This place is called Crossoverland. It's exactly like a story, except for one thing." She paused. Rima took this as her cue to ask the dreaded question.

"What's different?"

"We're not in our own worlds anymore. We'll also be trapped here for the rest of eternity until we escape. And you'll need the help of several other worlds to get out. So, need help?" She extended out her hand, with a happy smile pasted on her face again. "I'm Sakura Mikan of Gakuen Alice. And you are?"

Rima reached forward and shook Mikan's hand. The words flowing to her mouth before she could think about it, "Mashiro Rima of Shugo Chara. Since you're the first person I've really spoken to here, I guess you're the other main character?"

"Yup!" She grinned even more, defying half of the already defied laws of gravity that Rima knew of. "Now, let's go!" She opened the door.

The scene was one of the most horrible that Rima had ever seen.

Everything was dyed neon colors, pink being the most noticeable. Slimy goo began to seep through her shoes.

Mikan laughed nervously. "Oh, and did I mention that you need to get to a safe place in less than five hundred words? If you don't, you'll disappear."

Rima sighed. She almost even wished for a Rimahiko.

Almost.

* * *

***This is not proven. It may be, but I find it highly unlikely, so I'm keeping it there.**

***The exact number is unknown. I'm too lazy to actually think of a reasonable method to find the actual amount, so I just randomly typed something.**

***To help you read this, I'll group the words together: {[(Instant Death) Bullet] Shooting} Gun Shooting Alice. Basically, it's an Alice that allows the user to use a gun that shoots bullets that cause instant death. Reading back, I don't quite understand it either. **

**This is just a sort of omake chapter/storyline. If you guys like it, I'll occasionally post this story instead of the main. Thank you for reading!**


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